I made up by day for t at niger a bat ired. I darkened my bedroom and as I undressed I came on t; but I forgot t Maria and t till I up in t I remembered t t I o find a dress s. I got myself ready in very good out ter to have dinner.
It masked ball I o participate in. In earlier days, it is true, I tended sucivities and even sometimes found tertaining, but I ator merely. As for talked and rejoiced over t ruck me as comic. And nooo to find t painful suspense. As I ner to take, I decided not to go till late. too, hermine had counseled me.
I e been to teel , my former refuge, out t bac did not suit to lead since. to it before I fate and parting imposed on me just noations and sation in my lifes pilgrimage caug gleam of pain and beauty t comes from t; and so too tle tavern, trons I ely been numbered and e of a bottle of cely ened me enougo spend one more nigo endure life for one more day. I asted otronger stimulus since ter poison. itered t el. ted me and so, company of ués. A roast c before me. t glass. te ables and te and drank t feeling of cions, t s and in of all t been parted from, and from o part imentality. te objects. even love sacred object, orcar, but is ever o exc as soon as er model. ty. renuous—a splendid type, and in t a modern man, nor an old-fasime altoget my my elboion to sentimentalities. I o find a trace of anytill remaining in my burned-out . So I let my memories of tavern and my attac to t and ty in fareleness in tone. t o me, and so glass and taste of timacy and dreaming drinkers, timentality, ligoucill forbidden trange and no Steppeno tear my sentiment to pieces. I sat t ill s afterglow.
A street seller came in and I bouged cnuts. An old a buncs and presented to t till I to pay my bill and felt in vain for t of t I usually I realized once more t I he Masked Ball. And hermine!
It ill early enoug convince myself to go to traig too—as I ely come my o enter trange atmosphe world of pleasure and dancing.
As I sauntered along I passed by a cinema s dazzling ligers. I on a feeps, turned again and in. till eleven I could sit quietly and comfortably in t I stumbled tains into t and estament. t are nominally not ss are lavis midday even sc to see teacory of Moses and tes in Egypt, ribulations of t. I sas of alt man, a splendidly trical Moses, at taff and tride of a otan. I sa ted to give free passage, a deep road betains of er (tion classes conducted by to see t end as to and ruck people pass to ts of Po sigians stop and start on tured courageously on, I saainous ers close over trappings and over all s and all , for tly sung. I sa of storm and tning imparted ten Commandments to up t t of tain and gave to someerous celebrations. I found it so strange and incredible to be looking on at all to be seeing t, s s daed for money before a grateful public t sat quietly eating t from tle picture, indeed, picked up by cure in to suc er for t alone tians, to and becoming deatead of tence of dying by inc oday. Yes indeed!
My secret repressions and unconfessed frigrary, to uncomfortable proportions and I o so to enter. It e, and time in full s once before I aken off my t up, sed familiarly. Girls summoned me to to none of it, but fougo t my cloakroom ticket I put it in my pocket care, reflecting t I mig before very long whe uproar.
Every part of t building o tivities. t as airs o overfloer and tumult. Oppressed in I stole tra to t band, from tly ligo to tairs, to bars, buffets and cly ings by test artists. All tists, journalists, professors, business men, and of course every ad of pleasure in toras sat Pablo, blo a greeting. Puser anotairs airs t aged as ists and ter a ime after time to reac eito meet t. By midnig danced I o t cter strangers and ordered some o t joining in sucivals for an old man like me. I drank my glass of tcesquely masked figures drifting by and silently declined to sit on my knee or get me to dance. quot;Old Gro; one called after me; and s. I decided to raise my spirits even t against me and I could scarcely s over me t teppenanding beongue out. Noto be sure, I intentions, but to be merry in; and all ter and t on every side, seemed to me forced and stupid.
t , at about one oclock, in anger and disillusionment I steered a course for to put on my coat again and go. It o my I could not do oto till kept a careful lookout in case I mig see one of my friends, but in vain. Noood at ter. Already ttendant ely extending in my coat pocket—t if even ten enoug over my tasteless , figo go a me.
quot;Lost your number?quot; came in a s my elbo;ake mine,quot; and out to me more ado. ook it and turned it over in my fingers ttle fellow rapidly disappeared.
eboard counter for a number, no number o be seen. Instead tiny tendant to and to t ligo read it. ttle crazy letters t were scarcely legible was scrawled:
tONIG tER
FOR MADMEN ONLY
PRICE OF ADMIttANCE YOUR MIND.
NOt FOR EVERYBODY.hERMINE IS IN hELL.
As a marionette o neer a brief paralysis of deats lively part, so did I at ticity and eagerness of youto tumult from reated in tlessness and o get to before my patent-leated air disgusted me, and t undone me. No I nimbly one-stepped to ed me on, and so no less did tous music, toxication of colors, tongues, ter, to my arms: quot;Dance ; quot;Cant,quot; said I. quot;Im bound for Ill gladly take a kiss ; t mine and igime ill joined. Past Pablo rument. tracted radiance. But before y steps tfully I let go of Maria.
quot;Id o ; I said, intoxicated ;Come ep or tiful arm. Let me a moment longer! But, you see, ;
quot;I t so. Fare you.quot; S me—left me indeed. Yes, it umn, it e, t .
On I tairs to cs, and tra of devils ted a pretty young fello a mask and in evening dress o t ty couples ill in masks and smiled at me, but none me. At t pause, t I, s no one came.
I over to to a corner of taking a seat near t I sa t tled on it from t. O flas was h.
quot;; I stammered.
S;;
It le paint. tyliso telligent face, t and te cuffs made rousers gave a curious elegance to in te silk socks.
quot;Is tume, o make me fall in love ;
quot;So far,quot; s;I ented myself urning t nourn , lets ;
So o train of trings. And o give trouble I dance ender advances, and and neutral in ures encircled me so mucouco self kept s e. For salked to me about c ty for love, in its first yout only bot all and everytual, and endoransformation sucer years comes again only to a co poets, and to t s up t of a young man, smoking cigarettes and talking ed ease t often tle mockery in it; and yet it ransformed, as it reaco a cion.
I kneely neion of o me t nigly and inconspicuously s t I longed for around me, and poison to drink!
e sat and talked and drank crolled t us. e on voyages of exploration to discover couples o spy upon. Sed out o ttack to be employed ook t for a urns and botried to it caugoget ale. Everyt beauty but looking tragic and un. to drink cogetold me after s of as a man but as a , ted everyed cros scent. I toyed after fruit. Serpents looked at me from green and leafy sus blossoms luxuriated over black bogs. Enced birds sang allurement from trees. Yet all o one longed-for goal, t kno;One kno before.quot; t;Old Gro; a fe dance it ceasing for two I hrong.
An experience fell to my lot t of t I y years, t is knoo every flapper and student—toxication of a general festivity, terious merging of ty in tic union of joy. I en spoken of. It o every servant girl. I en observed told me of it and I reated it imes in my life I ure oxicated and released from t smile, t ion, of turned by a common ent in drunken recruits and sailors, and also in great artists in tival; and not less in young soldiers going to days I and loved and mocked and envied toxication of playing in tra, or atic, o tor, t imes occurred to me t suco quite young persons or among toms permitted no marked differences bet today, on t, I myself, teppen ale. I myself breat intoxication of a common dream and of music and ren listened , or dismal superiority, to its panegyric in tter of some student. I y oxication of tivity like salt in er. I danced , but it only t belonged to me. All to t faces floated past me like fantastic floo me, and I to t in one anotoo. I oo, rangers to me. theirs mine.
A nerot, itle quot;Yearning,quot; t er. Once . e and intoxicated and everyone stop and e young girls, er prime, and ured—laug. And ion , ime rument , so tune of quot;Yearning.quot; I and my partner kissed our o I, meano me least, I, too, , released from myself, a brother of Pablos, a child.
I time, and I dont knooxication of ed. I did not observe eit ter tal fire burned ts people . t and many of ts out. tairs ed and in tra after anotopped playing and gone a till raged in a crescendo. Since I could not dance ing encounters in t last I lost sigirely—and not only sig t. ts left. I in ts and tones and sigirred me. I ed and kindled by strange eyes, encircled by strange faces, borne ime to though by a wave.
And to my senses for a moment, among t it up in one of t to overfloill sounded—of a sudden I sate ed cion t I seen before. e self in flused faces, cruste stood t e face beneatume a crease and not a of place. ed cuffs oucoickled my cs as no one elses nigo tenderness and compelling to neacts by ts. I bent doo kiss s smile riump and long familiar. Of a sudden I recognized t ely. For a moment o o mine. till clasped ed couples round us clapped, stamped, cried out and urged ted orcra to play quot;Yearningquot; over again. And no it beains. It o come. Blindly, s of laugely into to t t began to flood t moved in time to touc t o do to make me in love so me. All t, all t I ed, all ured eyes ed togethe one whom I held in my arms.
On and on tial dance. time after time t truments fall. t got up from t fiddle sime tence of t intoxicated dancers and played once more. ter and more last, as ood, still enter t eager dance, to our sides like trings and tist, blinking sleepily, put e as case. Doors opened, ttendants appeared er turned off t. t ago on coats and cloaks and turned up t smiling. Slo and a faint and indescribably tender s to , and ttle trembling line of so me to sum up all tion of her body like a smile.
e stood looking at one anot in t in titter of laugorcars starting up. And someerminable distance and , I , an extraordinarily clear and merry peal of laug it range. It cold and inexorable. tell.
e stood and looked at one anot I came to my sober self. I felt a fearful and limp my cloted cuffs. But all at once t t seemed to come from my oy fell ay of my sensuous love of c one anottle soul looked at me.
quot;Youre ready?quot; asked . Far up in unkno t strange and eerie laughter.
I nodded. Oh, yes, I was ready.
At t Pablo appeared in t of really t animals eyes are alurned to o us y. on a gorgeous silk smoking jacket. ired t black eyes. So y erased, for too chery.
e joined o me in a lo;Brote you to a little entertainment. For madmen only, and one price only—your mind. Are you ready?quot;
Again I nodded.
tude, , me , and conducted us upstairs to a small round room t from t and nearly empty. t but a small round table and t ourselves.
ting in a blue ligmospratum of reality t reme.
e? alking so muc not peralk, spoke, indeed, not, too, my o contemplated me out of and frig as it of hermines gray ones?
Pablo looked at us good-naturedly as ever and alked mucive sentences, , , discoursed noly and a fault.
quot;My friends, I ed you to an entertainment t tle late and no doubt , and refrestle.quot;
From a recess in took t little bottle, also a small oriental box inlaid ly colored le and taking ttes from tc of . And notes aste terly unfamiliar. Its effect peacefully exaking little sips at our glasses, ourselves groer and more serene.
From far away came Pablos warm voice.
quot;It is a pleasure to me, my dear o in a small en been sorely riving, , for escape? You o forsake ts reality and to penetrate to a reality more native to you, to a ime. You kno you seek. Only s t oty for s being o you no picture gallery but your ounity, to make your o is all.quot;
Again o t of and dre a round looking glass.
quot;Look, it is t you ;
tle glass before my eyes (a co my mind: quot;Little glass, little glass in t;) and I sainctly and cloudily, tion of an uneasy self-tormented, ineppenened eyes t smoldered no, as a tributary pours its cloudy turmoil into a river. In bitter strife, eacried to devour t prevail. terably sad e figure of tiful shy eyes.
quot;t; Pablo remarked and put t. I o close my eyes and take a sip of the elixir.
quot;And no; said Pablo, quot;tle talk. If your fatigue you to my peep stle ter. ill you come?quot;
e got up. itain aside, and er, and exactly in t a large number, indeed an incredible number, of narroo the boxes.
quot;t; explained Pablo, quot;is our ter, and a jolly one it is. I s to laug.quot; laug it t. It and peculiar laug I had heard before from below.
quot;ttle ter of mine o as many boxes as you please, ten or a ly s you. It is a pretty cabinet of pictures, my dear friend; but it e useless for you to go t as you are. You urn by o call your personality. You guessed long since t t of time and ty, or may be t you co describe your longing, means simply to be relieved of your so-called personality. t is to enter ter as you are, you acles of teppened to lay tacles aside and to be so kind as to leave your eemed personality again reatise on teppentle stimulant t aken of may ly prepared you. You, er bey, er at your disposal, . Once inside, you can meet eaco go for a moment beain. I so introduce .quot;
o t past a gigantic mirror t covered to vaulted ceiling.
quot;No so and to teaco laugting up tertainment—I easy for me. You feel quite rust? Not afraid? ts good, excellent. You fear and er our visionary roduce yourself to it by means of a trifling suicide, since tom.quot;
ook out t mirror again and in front of my face. Again I ed by tinct and cloudy reflection, and coursing t. I kne too too sincerely for its destruction to cause me any sorrow.
quot;You ion, my dear friend. t is all t is necessary. to do so, it you greet it, if your mood permits, y laugo learn to laugrue o take ;
I fixed my eyes on ttle mirror, oo, a faint but painful one like remembrance, or like oppression gave o a ne a man feels racted ting out a deep breat time, t it in t. And t exion and a desire to laugible t I o give o it.
tself turned gray and c rolling dohe endless corridor and disappeared.
quot;ell laug; cried Pablo. quot;You o laugals yet. You eppen last. Its no good ake care t ays dead. Youll be able to leave ty bely. At our next meeting o brotter today. And if you still t ogetalk about music and Mozart and Gluck and Plato and Goeto your s content. You and nooday at any rate. For naturally, your suicide is not a final one. e are in a magic ter; a ures, not realities. See t you pick out beautiful and c you really are not in love ionable personality any longer. Sill, er it, you need only I ; (Again t laugiful and frig;And notle ceremony and quite a jolly one. You o cast aside tacles of your personality. So come ;
Laugurned me about so t I faced tic mirror on there I saw myself.
I saant as my usual self, except t I looked unusually good- and laug I ime to recognize myself before tion fell to pieces. A second, a tentiet till tic mirror s of ant of recognition. Some of titudinous y-year-olds and ty-year-olds played leap frog. ty-year-olds and five-year-olds, solemn and merry, able, and even quite naked, long ions, left and rigo t of it. One, an elegant young felloogeticularly pleased me, a good looking and ceen or seventeen years, sprang like ligo tices on t after of a door on which was inscribed:
ALL GIRLS ARE YOURS
ONE QUARtER IN t
t into t he door.
Pablo too ly all tless figures. I realized t I to myself and to ter, and I y from door to door and read on eacs alluring invitation.
tion
JOLLY ING
GREAt IN AUtOMOBILES
attracted me. I opened tepped in.
I at once into a ement. Cars, some of treets crians. t to deat t once t it ed and long-feared broken out. On all sides lay dead and decomposing bodies, and on all sides, too, smasorted and ful confusion and ly stirring placards, ters flamed like torcion to side to make an end at last of t and ocrats from otomobiles. Set factories afire at last! Make a little room on te it so t tream and moor return to t and concrete. Otly pake in try and some se and less cerms ified to tellect of t tide of anarced in a truly impressive y and education and justice, and praised mac and most sublime invention of ts aid, men o tudied ted on t ted me as po, and I stood as deeply convinced in front of one as in front of turbed all time by t on all round me. ell, t, genuine and ic ive and trical matters, all nonsense at bottom; but a ly pleasing gave empic expression to rove to prepare truction of t civilization of ours. In every eye I saruction and murder, and in mine too tly. I joined ttle joyfully.
t of all, my scav, turned up close beside me. I sig, strongest, most eager and venturesome of t as I sa blue eyes. once I followed him joyfully.
quot;Good Lord, Gustav,quot; I cried ;I seen you in ages. ever ;
, just as o do as a boy. quot;t, jabbering and asking questions. Im a professor of t to kno, ts ;
t came snorting too it as nimbly as a monkey, broug to a standstill for me to get in. ts and cras of town and suburbs.
quot;Are you on turers?quot; I asked my friend.
quot;Os a matter of taste, so out of account—tion it, I rat take t bottom its all took tocrats against ts. So noablistle. tten car, I ll anot;
S as t ctled on, and reacryside many miles distant. e traversed a o tains. on a smootening road t led in bold curves beteep aining wall. Far below she blue surface of a lake.
quot;Lovely vie; said I.
quot;Very pretty. ell call it t or anoto crasc!quot;
A tall pine greall branctle made of boards to serve as an outlook and point of vantage. Gustav smiled runk and, breatlook post, came purring at top speed up tement ense.
quot;Aim at t; commanded Gustav quickly just as t by beneat ttacked ts unumbling over, crasant report into ths below.
quot;Got ; Gustav laug;My turn next.quot;
Anots packed in t. From t blue veil streamed out be filled me ty a face it mig at least emulate trious and spare pretty av, turned, s engine ill running and turned absurdly in t suddenly ful explosion it burst into flames.
quot;A Ford,quot; said Gustav. quot;e must get do;
e climbed doc soon burned out. Mean to to time it cras as urned tly burned. One ion. I searcs to see . I took one and read: tat twam Asi.
quot;Very ty,quot; said Gustav. quot;tter of fact, it is all one ims are called. t as matter. t painful solution o under er for ten minutes. Noo ;
e ter tooting. e s it doood. It made a drunken sretcurned over and lay gasping. One passenger ill sitting inside, but a pretty young girl got out uninjured, te and trembling violently. e greeted ely and offered our assistance. Soo muco speak and stared at us for a we dazed.
quot;ell, first let us look after t; said Gustav and turned to t of till clung to beleman grey elligent, clear gray eyes o be seriously ; at least, blood flowed from h and he held his neck askew and rigid.
quot;Alloo introduce myself. My name is Gustav. e aken ty of sing your co address?quot;
t us coolly and sadly out of his small gray eyes.
quot;I am Attorney-General Loering,quot; ;You only killed my poor c me too, I fancy. on us?quot;
quot;For exceeding t.quot;
quot;e traveling at more t;
quot; erday is no longer normal today, Mr. Attorney-General. e are of t orcar travels is too great. e are destroying all cars and all ot;
quot;Your rifles too?quot;
quot;turn ed omorroer of ted. ell, noo let in a little air.quot;
quot;Are you sing every one, distinction?quot;
quot;Certainly. In many cases it may no doubt be a pity. Im sorry, for example, about ter, I presume.quot;
quot;No. Senograp;
quot;So mucter. And no out, or let us carry you out, as to be destroyed.quot;
quot;I prefer to be destroyed .quot;
quot;As you o ask you one more question. You are a public prosecutor. I never could understand or. You make your living by bringing otly, to trial and passing sentence on t t so?quot;
quot;It is. I do my duty. It ly as it is to o deatoo ;
quot;Quite true. Only kill from duty, but pleasure, or mucain amusement in killing people. never amused you?quot;
quot;You bore me. Be so kind as to do your ion of duty is unknoo you—quot;
and made a movement of o spit. Only a little blood came, o his chin.
quot;One moment!quot; said Gustav politely. quot;tion of duty is certainly unknoo me—no. I , I t seemed to me to be duty and ies and my superior officers from time to time enjoined upon me by any means good. I e. But granting t tion of duty is no longer knoo me, I still knoion of guilt—pery. I am condemned to live. I am obliged to belong to a state, to serve as a soldier, to kill and to pay taxes for armaments. And no t t of life me once more to ty of killing t did in time I o t. I ion to tupid congested o bits. I am glad to o peris.quot;
tor made an effort to smile a little ed. succeed very ention .
quot;Good,quot; said ;So ;
tty girl doed.
At t tooting of a car coming do full speed. e dretle to one side and, standing close against t to tly and t came to a standstill undamaged. e seized our rifles and quickly he newcomers covered.
quot;Get out!quot; commanded Gustav. quot;;
t out of tly heir hands.
quot;Is any one of you a doctor?quot; Gustav asked.
their heads.
quot;to remove tleman. . take o t to on .quot;
tleman av gave t.
tenograpo chese proceedings. I was glad we had made so fair a prize.
quot;Madam,quot; said Gustav, quot;you your employer. I bound to tleman by oties. You are noime presses. It able ;
e all climbed up to our in tree as fast as feel very ains and to tell us also t her name was Dora.
Immediately after t steered carefully past turned one stopping and thered speed.
quot;Poltroon!quot; laugav and s to tove it in and he abyss.
quot;Dora,quot; I said, quot;can you use firearms?quot;
S, but augo load. S first and ed court-plaster. But Gustav told s s better.
quot;But o become of us?quot; she asked.
quot;Dont kno; said Gustav. quot;My friend ty girls. er you.quot;
quot;But t;
quot;t any police and sucay quietly up do tries to pass, or else ake a car and drive off in it and let ot at us. Its all take. Im for staying ;
And noooting of anot ed for and lay t.
Gustav smiled. quot;Yes, too many men in t so noticeable. But no everyone s air to breato drive as ice it. Of course, rational. Its c as ime, mankind o keep its numbers in cional means. Meanolerable situation in a rational e.quot;
quot;Yes,quot; said I, quot; is good and necessary all t is not a good trains ries to reduce to rational order matters t are not susceptible of rational treatment. traordinarily rational, and boto a frig of life, because t so crudely. ticle. It is for madmen like us, pero ennoble it again.quot;
itav replied: quot;You talk like a book, my boy. It is a pleasure and a privilege to drink at suc of notle too dreamy for my taste. A couple of bucks can come das, and kill t ;
A car came and once. tout red-faced man, gesticulated ared up and do us h a revolver.
quot;Get off ,quot; Gustav sed doook aim at him.
After t and deserted. Apparently t about t it o enjoy ty of to and soon o roof. Sing could be tle and I stroked cheeks.
quot; to die t; s past belo a gay parasol, a ladys tle of doentedly on took a drink from ttle and ate sometinfoil out of ter emptying ttle on, o Gustav: quot;Could you find it in you to s at t.quot;
quot;Youre not asked to,quot; my friend gro feel very comfortable eit sigill in a state of innocence t necessary activities became stupid and repulsive. Pa blood! e the same.
quot;Dont let us stay ; Dora implored. quot;Lets go doo find someto eat in t you ;
Dooo peal error. e set ourselves to climb do work, I kissed o vacancy—
Once more I stood in till excited by ting adventure. And everyions:
MUtABOR
tRANSFORMAtION INtO ANY ANIMAL OR PLANt
YOU PLEASE
KAMASUtRAM
INStRUCtION IN tS OF LOVE
COURSE FOR BEGINNERS; FORtY-tO DIFFERENt
MEtICES
DELIGhtFUL SUICIDE
YOU LAUGO BItS
DO YOU ANt tO BE ALL SPIRIt?
t.
DONFALL OF t
MODERAtE PRICES. NEVER SURPASSED
COMPENDIUM OF ARt
tRANSFORMAtION FROM tIME INtO SPACE
BY MEANS OF MUSIC
LAUGEARS
CABINEt OF hUMOR
SOLItUDE MADE EASY
COMPLEtE SUBStItUtE FOR ALL FORMS OF
SOCIABILItY.
tions was endless. One was
GUIDANCE IN thE
PERSONALItY. SUCCESS GUARANtEED
to me to be o and I in at this door.
I found myself in a quiet t room ern fas t glance I t it e a similar gorgeous silk jacket and he same dark and shining eyes.
quot;Are you Pablo?quot; I asked.
quot;I am not anybody,quot; ;e anybody. I am a cruction in ty?quot;
quot;Yes, please.quot;
quot;to place a fe my disposal.quot;
quot;My pieces—?quot;
quot;Of to play pieces.quot;
o me and again I say of my personality broken up into many selves ook a dozen or so of t fingers and placed to speak in tonous ion or reading t en gone through before.
quot;taken and union t a man is an enduring unity is knoo you. It is also knoo you t man consists of a multitude of souls, of numerous selves. tion of ty of ty into ted t. Science is in t as no multiplicity may be dealt ain order and grouping. It is one only and binding and lifelong order is possible for tiplicity of subordinate selves. t consequences, and tage of simplifying tate-appointed pastors and masters and saving t. In consequence of ty, t psycion t of building up trate to anyone order tain to an endless multiplicity of moves in t sers, so do egrated self build up ever neerplay and suspense, and neuations t are eternally inexible. Look!quot;
it toucook rong and ly arranged t once to groups and families, games and battles, friendsies, making a small orderly s evolutions before my enraptured eyes in play and strife, making treaties and figtles, iplying. It age, a moving breathless drama.
tly over tly s all to a atively ists skill, made up a nee otionsanglements. ty , it of terial, but t, time cif ly given out and tuations differently presented.
And in tect built up one game after anot of t of myself, and every game ant resemblance to every oto t eacirely new.
quot;t of life,quot; ;You may yourself as an artist develop t animation. You may complicate and enric as you please. It lies in your as madness, in a and all fantasy. Even learned men o a partial recognition of t encing book, in ance of tists s up as sucalized. ake your little pieces aen give you pleasure. t today greo tions of an intolerable bugbear, you omorroo a mere lay figure. t game be t;
I boitude to ted c ttle pieces in my pocket and he narrow door.
My real intention o seat myself at once on ternities; but I liger passage tible current carried me along. A dazzling poster flashed before my eyes:
MARVELOUS tAMING OF tEPPENOLF
Many different emotions surged up in me at t of t. My racted by all kinds of fears and repressions from my former life and ty I berembling ing me from a cage. On tage I saamer—a cleman e of a large moustacly muscular biceps and up resemblance to myself. trong man led on a leasable sigiful but terribly emaciated ing as it riguing, as ly entertaining, to see tal tamer of animals put t so ignominiously obedient beast of prey tricks and sensational turns.
At any rate, torted double, ly attentive to every command and responded like a dog to every call and every crack of t do, a basket in o pick up t tamer fall and carry it after eetail in front of e lamb. eet is true, and trembled touc trembling on t and t pao form a touc time eating a stick of ce from t o ness tastic extent to ood th my hair on end.
tion, ator and for t of ter tion of animal taming and t and became as agitated, as scraint and dissimulation erased. aut and s at recovering ure.
And no t ongue loll out and tore eet on t or all-fours just as t ter ness of a dog ted gladly to every ion and perversion of ure. A lovely girl came on to tage and up to tamed man. Sroked . o seet ture—so menacingly and , t se before emptuous sniff it from . Finally te lamb and t mottled rabbit urn and played t amusingly. ures in eetore turously drank t.
I made for t. ter was clearly no paradise. All s chere even here no release?
In fear I . I aste of blood and ce in my mouteful as t to be beyond t. I led ures. quot;O Friend, not tes!quot; sang in my errible pograp t one saangled o grinning g of o ures. today I kne no tamer of beasts, no general, no insane person could c or a picture in I could not matc as frig as savage and upid.
itice I entering ter, t tormed so furiously—
ALL GIRLS ARE YOURS
and it seemed to me, all in all, t tly c finding t I could escape from t cursed in.
time met me. tmosp so legendary, I and been since, fell a it of fire t I felt in me, ty impulse, t I ten leaped up again, ole on my ears tones of long ago! My blood een or sixteen in and Greek and poetry. I ion and my fancy ists dreams. But far deeper and stronger and more ahe foreboding of desire.
I anding on a spur of ttle tos to I sa in deptransfiguration, as ry. it it and smelled it ( it bet no girl o bite it. At tically bitter taste I kne once and exactly I all came back. I on a lonely Rosa Kreisler and greeted h her so madly.
S day, alone and dreamingly up to of ied in ts, rands on eit time in my life iful siful and dreamlike te iful and provocative t as tter spice of t of t moment ained ties and promises, nameless deligs, anguiso t and deepest guilt. Oter taste of spring on my tongue! And reamed playfully t stle and looked aside; but ing e groirely mistress of tuation, s slo I sent after her.
So it y-five years before, and all t o me in t. oe, Rosa and suffocation of anguis seemed to me t I day. But time it o greet occasion. I sao conceal it, and I kne once t s ter meant time instead of standing ceremoniously cap in ill se of anguis my blood bade me do. I cried: quot;Rosa! tiful, beautiful girl. I love you so dearly.quot; It per brilliant of all t mig t, but t on go on. Sopped and looked at me and, gro;; up rong face, and t my past life and loves upid un very moment on a Sunday afternoon ly and everything was good.
e clasped knoo do or to say, so o er from embarrassment and to a run, and ran till our breato stand still. But let go our ill c knoe o do Sunday even kiss, but o get our breat on troked up again and tried to measure y, I aller by a fingers breat I so. I maintained t ly t and t God later on ss and in t spring grass and looked for t stalks and I gave ting ced lo go t accompany no possession. I stayed be, I looked dooc little figure to appear far belo pass t so room, and I lay up t t passed to and fro.
e saimes over to bloom tle t co give eacured to toucrands of all t roted ill unripe, but timid ing on eacaugtle step up on ts, I lived again t under ars. Rosa I lost, and Irmgard appeared; and tars less steady, but Irmgard no more tep by step I o climb. to live to learn; and I o lose Irmgard and Anna too. Every girl t I noo inspire eaco eaco me. isies t ion y. tiful flowers, Ida and Laura and all wh, or a day.
I good-looking and ardent boy t in my actual life and being been expressed to a tent, and I to tc groed by any ot of me. It perturbed by tortured by teppen, t. No—I taugo dance and Ida to kiss, and it , t beautiful of tumn evening beneats to kiss and to drink.
I lived ttle ter and not a t can be told in so give and to eac so take. Muc, too, and suffering fell to my s I e and tender blooms, garis blazed, dark ones sly fading. t, ino be taken by storm and t o corner of my life , te skin allured me, emerged again and all t ood beside er of an er and t of . tream carried toream of sex, at play in t of all its cs danger and surprise. And it astoniso find eppenies and allurements of love. I umbled on over te to forget t ored up in t one missing. And no I sao t defence and sank doo tion to fully grasped at time, fantastic games for t me up in t unmentioned, were played.
o tream of allurement and vice and entanglement, I . I —ripe for figure in my populous myt name of an endless series; and at once I came to myself and made an end of tale of love; for I did not as to t all ered in o fulfillment.
tream ood in t ter passage. no for ttle figures in my pocket—but already tible ices and magic mirrors. Listlessly I read t caught my eye, and shuddered.
hO ONE KILLS FOR LOVE
said.
Sly a picture . table of a restaurant, turning all at once from t in an abyss of speecerrifying earnestness in s s. Suddenly everyted me once more. Suddenly once more t call of fate gripped my . Desperately I felt in my pocket for ttle figures so t I migise a little magic and rearrange t of tead of t a knife. In mortal dread I ran along t every door. I stood opposite tic mirror. I looked into it. In tood a beautiful all as myself. ood still, glancing s eyes. As me, tle so t ed and songue.
clever fello ty?
Again I looked into t ongue in was a o.
quot;; I said, quot;;
quot;Not; said ;I am only ing. I am ing for deat;
quot;;
quot;Coming,quot; said ty spaces er tiful and a music from Don Giovanni t of stone. it rang tly als.
quot;Mozart,quot; I t, and beloved and t exalted picture t my inner life contained.
At t, t beer, a dear and ice-cold laug of a o men, a , frozen ter, and t. and, strolling quietly on, in. Eagerly I follo, all my life long, of love and veneration. t of ter noto be seen. Darkness filled the boundless space.
quot;You see,quot; said Mozart, quot;it goes all rig to be sure, I s read on toes of t famous instrument.quot;
quot;; I asked.
quot;e are in t act of Don Giovanni. Leporello is on oo. t in it, certainly, ts very you can —ter, e;
quot;It is t great music ever ten,quot; said I y of a scer. quot;Certainly, t to come. not forget tro? Ooo. But all t—beautiful as it may be— it, sometegration. A ude and power as Don Giovanni ;
quot;Dont overstrain yourself,quot; laug, in frig;Youre a musician yourself, I perceive. ell, I rade and retired to take my ease. It is only for amusement t I look on at t;
ing, and a moon, or some pale constellation, rose some and clouds floated tains and seasended plain. On tleman of a , en t said:
quot;Look, triving for redemption, but it ake ime.quot;
I realized t tes and parts in o divine judgment were superfluous.
quot;too trated, too mucerial ed,quot; Mozart said h a nod.
And t t just as vast, and felt too, cep.
quot;In my young days,quot; I remarked sadly, quot;t extreme contrasts conceivable.quot;
Mozart laughed.
quot;Yes, t is alrasts, seen from a little distance, alend to sy. tration of time.quot;
quot;? And to pay for it so dearly?quot; I cried in protest.
quot;Naturally. t take its course. Until t of time it cannot be kno over to stand to t.quot;
quot;But t eit!quot;
quot;Of course not. t eit Adam ate t to pay for it all t;
quot;But t is frig;
quot;Certainly. Life is al once one is guilty. You must of religious education if you did not kno.quot;
I of tten, and all ticles and essays; folloors o set up, by t all to s all to be paid for in endless purgatory. And only tion arise over; or y foam of t was over and done.
Mozart laug urned a somersault in trills time ed at me: quot;ongue smart, man, do your lungs really pincypesetters, tctors, and saber-itc of a gull, ers ink dull, and soul sorroll relieve you. Belittled, betattled, spectacled and sifully snagged and by tail ill t sings and rotten plagiarisings ill-gotten.quot;
too muc me no time for melanc by tail and off ail greail of a comet and I . t it raversed! tals put up mosp it , even in t t elapsed before I lost my senses. A bitter-seel-brigy coursed to laug th and consciousness failed me.