tion by Doris Lessing July 7, 1997
“Look at say anything, and I go on looking.”
“ does en does, as if of somether.
“takes Mary captive, and time it seems to reverberate rigo be remembering somets smiling.
om, s as if so return to England entirely foreign ground to ives in t community in Camden torios, and ser in too, ives in London. Noaurant called ts; and ends to aurant soon. Dmitri’s, because Dmitri is om.
toget noo Primrose on a benco some s, and some mornings it is quite a little female community, but aurants, and on ten congratulates s c brougo be art singing, and u dancing, even on tables. S not o Greece t summer, migo Demetrios pressure on.
On ted and restless and sits in front of en does tty, of ri calls tle blackberry. But s if it for ttle bottles of scent, ticks, t, and tries out expressions. Ss a long unsmiling unblinking stare on ens . Ss o see t stare on fails, because is putting it mildly. Because of sometri said, Mary actually to t a y, and men started a tle girls Betty or Joan. old Mary t Mary Mary said s really into religion.
And o try out staring on Demetrios? t is trouble. Mary is full of an uncomfortable dissatisfaction ion against sented because s to start a family, particularly no om and Mary says, “No, Dmitri, let’s a bit, o saken over. t’s . And , is sly t baby of t it like a present someone o s to take it. Dmitri says t junk into t eyes at sucs thrill Mary and remind her of earlier days.
So om to you noly understood and said, s fascinating life Mary oo muco understand, “Of course, tarted toget Mary at first t actless,” and said, “You don’t understand sometic and ts. But w his wife.”
t to ándros, Demetrios courted ed soaps and ces, and iful and , and one nig tears, too. Mary kne o made t rios, t feeling. And sc oo, summer, tom, about om liked love her.
A likely story, to tom. , not bad-looking. “ surely s sometimes find him boring?
But did Dmitri still love Mary?
t nigo,” trying to make easing and taunting, but s succeeded. Soo. ed a divorce. “’s o reply if urned did glare on tered somet oo, but pretended to be asleep.
Next morning sig it urday, and t nig to drink in t taurant er, but it imes resses ra for tings or came to admire tom’s arm and kneo make love te t rios and Mary got o going to not feel like it tonig made it easy for o say, “I mig not,” but in bed once attacked ried to complain to it to bot so give me a kid?” ering: a t been groaning into c a baby. No in ten years.”
Next morning s say one breakfast. notice. aking ime oast and t o be at taurant until eleven. t part of t to alked or didn’t talk, and read times back to bed. S love until t t , and ed on , using tare siced before t t . . . ?” S sat in front of ared. It sed “Bitc off to work.
Mary sat side a pub, in t, I don’t really mind a baby, I suppose. I’ll leave off t I’m not going to tell Dmitri, not yet. And I’m not going to give in to the baby.
“ up?” srying to sound casual, but once understood and said, “O’s not muc like to see up. Because I to give in and I don’t.”
alking as if it all a joke. I find t silent and dismal, looking at dress rouble at all, opped crying. t little intimate baby smell made to cry. O, o o toilet,” and off srode, he black linen swinging around her.
Mary t, I suppose Dmitri ened and s taramasalata and tsina and all t stuff t of t rocks and trees and ten alked togetom and Mary—neit times strangers to them.
Mary did not speak to Demetrios t nige, er midnig s up in bed and stared at umbled around to o put o, ime s o taking tiative, orm of sex. But t al going to let you take me for granted, said Dmitri, teasing , but tive, surprising a big rougead of sometimes just a cuddle, and t tle toucrokes t put a look of onis on ried t on Dmitri— of doing anyt. Noo put one’s arms around one’s ill morning, and t nig o put a o touc alone kisses and nibbles.
S t, for s sleep, and next morning t. And noaring at ed sometimes glanced at , in anger, and in fear. But as ion ion of ronger every minute, because w s. ears and saying he was sorry.
t nigo seem asleep . Per: en did, w up o kiss her.
Next morning at breakfast sting taring face like a radar dis looking at , upid. Just because I got a smile on my face and I’m not speaking—but I’m just t I? Mean and knocking into t a curse on raig. Next morning s to slide quietly out of bed so as not to o “put on t, but straiged saring at . out a s, as if mare, and to sob, “You’re a cruel ions in Greek. It frig, and, no, s anyop it. It’s enoug s stop. An implacable accusing stare ened itself on , But I started it all for a good reason, didn’t I?
And toget notice t srios and t o avoid looking at iced, all right.
Next day Mary asked ?”
“I’ve never kept it up longer t I?” S evasive.
It reatment. S go out at all but sat silent, staring, not at Dmitri, for t at t kno errible. coming in till very late, because umbled around t come home.
“’s going on ri?” asks tom, meeting Mary in treet. “Are you having a quarrel?”
“Not,” Mary says smiling, w.
In bed t nig ri, don’t sulk.” “Go to ed, and blubbered noisily, in a made e of bed and laid t, and ting on to go out, s t a nice breakfast for you.”
At use o me, so s up, I don’t to .
Mary to . as t really s. And as sood looking at t’s not tri seemed to clumsy man to join t moving up on to make room for ermination and off heir prams and pushchairs.
Noold ory, and s one up and do back toful pause, and pus foro Mary it seemed t t of tening and judging.
“You’ve kept it up for t last, told Mary srolling an extreme reaction. never friend. “tated helen. “No wonder he’s sick.”
“Is he sick?”
“Can’t you see for yourself?” said t beautiful at all. tting on an ugly needed painting, and all t attractive, alttle bay trees on eitrees needed ering and ty.
“tom said t Demetrios oo drunk to erday. careful.”
t you gave me t get tongue. S seemed to be condition—wake w she way I did?
“You’d better try and make it up to up from t off even smiling at Mary or saying, “See you tomorrow.”
I’ve lost oo, t Mary. S to sit outside taurant ri.” Surning a for? I ed a kid, t’s all. You’re a bad are migried to pull sigri.” ood turned a avoiding ed e me forever, but pleads, “Please, Dmitri, come ood close on t, and people going past moved of to to stake. S and red and miserable.
es aumbling beside tig run off and she would never see him again.
At ried to pull o t at table are you t’s t?”
“I’ve stopped taking tri.”
“So you’ve stopped the Pill.”
“Come to bed, please, Dmitri.”
“ a o make a baby.”
So pull alk o bed before? umbled o bed. feeling anyttle tory or t fear of t over it, , and o seemed to understand w away.
Meanainly a question of making love, or even of sex, because shis had ever happened before.
“Don’t you do it again,” you do it, I’m telling you. If you do I’ll kill you. I’ll just and never come you do it.”
on turned ater, because so elling all t was.” ?