《Steppenwolf》


 PREFACE

    tAINS t US by a man en used eppenroductory remarks may be open to question. I, o teppeno record my recollections of  I knole enoug life and origins I kno all. Yet t by y e of all, a deep and sympatic one.

    Some years ago teppen to inquire for a furnisook ttic room on top floor and t it, returned a day or ter runks and a big case of books and stayed nine or ten montly, and but for t t our bedrooms  door to eacers on tairs and in tically unacquainted. For  a sociable man. Indeed, o a degree I , as eppes, a strange,  of ion and destiny and ed tiny, I certainly did not knoil I read t be, before t, from our occasional talks and encounters, I became gradually acquainted  trait in antial agreement e one t our personal acquaintance had given me.

    By c t ered our  time and became my aunts lodger.  noon. table  been cleared and I still o tten ting impressions  t encounter.  rung t asked  of t ed. teppenher made any answer or announced his name.

    quot;O smells good ;  t  smiled too. For my part, I found tter of introducing  favorably impressed.

    quot;; said ;Ive come about to let.quot;

    I did not get a good look at il o top floor. t very big, able er overcoat and reak of grey.  at all like at first. t it t did not go riking profile nor one of er, I found out t  ired  t time equally unpleasant to me—emplated tairs, tall old cupboards on taircase. All to please and at time to amuse oget of an alien inent per all very ctle odd. I cannot deny t e, even friendly.  once and  objection to terms for lodging and breakfast and so fort about to tile atmospook too, listened attentively and amiably to all old about ting, ter, to everyt once to pay a sum in advance—and yet  time to be outside it all, to find it comic to be doing as  to take it seriously. It  o be renting a room and talking to people in German. Suc ainly not   been revised and corrected by many small instances. Above all, , in spite of t   alert, tful, strongly marked and ellectual. And to reconcile me furte and friendly manner, o cost e  pretension; on trary, t touc. tion of it I found later, but it disposed me at once in his favor.

    Before o ts, my lunco go back to business. I took my leave and left o my aunt.  back at nigold me t aken t   be notified to tate of ies and tanding about in official ing rooms more tolerate. I remember very  giving in to ipulation. to me to agree only too erious and alien air truck me as suspicious. I explained to my aunt t s not on any account to put ion for a complete stranger; it migurn out to  consequences for  it t t my aunt ed , and, indeed,  ogetivated and crange gentleman. For sook a lodger  contrive to stand in some  like or, ration; and many a one   on; I  to find  every time ook .

    As I  at all pleased about ting to notify ted at least to kno  about  sort of family  entions ayed a s  at noon. old   of spending some montoo avail o see its antiquities. I may say it did not please my aunt t aking t a time, but e e of ing , t and my objections came too late.

    quot; it smelt so good ; I asked.

    quot;I kno;t and respectability. It  t pleased  used to t of late and missed it.quot;

    Just so, t I to myself.

    quot;But,quot; I said aloud, quot;if be isnt used to an orderly and respectable life, o   every;

    quot;e s; s it at t.

    And in t my fears proved groundless. tainly did not live a very orderly or rational life, rouble to us. Yet my aunt and I bot about  by a long en dream of  nigence of suc to like urbing and disquieting effect on me.

    ter trangers luggage— in by a porter. runk, runk t sraveled far—at least it ered els and travel agencies of various countries, some overseas.

    time began during ed range man. At first I did noto encourage it. Alterested me from t I saeps for t to run across o get into conversation  I did, all t, keep ion a little, and also  into  and my curiosity drove me to do a little spy work.

    I  of teppen glance t, an uncommon, and unusually gifted man. ellectual, and te and mobile play of ures reflected a soul of extremely emotional and unusually delicate sensibility. o  alionalities and said personal and individual t came out of .  more tters of tellect  calm objectivity, t certainty of t and knoual men o grind, alk oto appear al.

    I remember an instance of t days ing glance  I mean. It orium. I eppeno attend it, t first tle desire to do so. e  toget next to eacure urer ascended tform and began ed a sort of prop, ed by ed air. And ion, to say a fetering to ttendance in suceppenicized bottable and frig  did not simply criticize turer, anniing ts delicate but crus  of it. It  terly and  conveyed a quiet despair, born partly of conviction, partly of a mode of t  only unmasked ted lecturer and dismissed s irony tter at ant attitude of t presumptuous title under eppenivity, trife, ty, ted intellectuality. And alas! t still deeper,  far belos, defects and ime, our intellect, our culture alone. It  rigo t of all y, it bespoke eloquently in a single second t said: quot;See  once all renoelligence, all ttainments of t, all progress to and trick!

    itrary to my actual plan and intention, already conveyed  to me; ance h him.

    No I  ime to say a little more about ;strangenessquot; and to tell in detail rangeness, traordinary and frig ter so, for I y as far as possible in t  to put doo tell a story or to e an essay on psyc simply as an eyeness to contribute someto ture of t teppen behind him.

    At t sigo my aunts  once astonis  natural reaction ed (and my aunt, ual person, suspected very muced t t in some  or cer, and I sinct of time replaced by a sympaty for one ime I oo, t tion  due to any defects of nature, but rato a profusion of gifts and potained to   in tzsced ive genius a boundless and frigy for pain. I sa time t t of  empt but self-contempt; for  annie institutions and persons in alk

    and foremost t ,  and foremost wed and despised.

    And  refrain from a psycion. Alttle of teppen  up by devoted but severe and very pious parents and teac doctrine t makes tone of education and upbringing. But in ttempt to destroy ty and to break t succeed. oo strong and oo proud and spirited. Instead of destroying y teaco e   , innocent and noble as ed during ; and in so far as  loose upon icism, every anger and e e of all, a real Cian and a real martyr. As for ot endeavor to love to be just to to do tred of  love of ones neig possible  love of oneself, and t self-e is really tion and despair.

    It is noime, o put my os aside and to get to facts.  I first discovered about ly tly from my aunts remarks, concerned

    s and  ical calling. e in bed. Often  up muc across from o ting room in ting room, a large and comfortable attic room er a fe at all tenants. It filled up more and more as time  on. Pictures imes illustrations cut out from magazines and often cograptle German country toly ly painted er colors, y young o be replaced first by Mic;Nig; trait of Mama Gandable, on tty old bureau, on t on tes slipped into tinually cantly increased, for besides bringing . t of t o t testify as umps and as t of a scure. ty s of all times and peoples. For a long en spent le Sop to Saxony—a ter part of teentury. A complete edition of Goetenberg ion. A feoievski bristled able among ten a vase of flooo, a paint box, generally full of dust, reposed among flakes of cigar aso leave not) sundry bottles of ratle usually containing Italian red le sen, too, a bottle of Burgundy as  bottle of Cied in a very brief space—after o collect t  furtion of its contents. I  pretend to justify t all tellectual curiosity, but t first rust. I am not only a middle-class man, living a regular life, fond of uality; I am also an abstainer and nonsmoker, and ttles in  of istic disorder.

    as irregular and irresponsible about imes as   go out at all and  imes my aunt found not a banana peel to s ook aurants, sometimes in t and most fasimes in little out-lying taverns.  seem good. Besides  t often made tairs fatiguing to o be plagued roubles, and o me t it  it do and last to er on, I accompanied imes to s I often saher I nor anyone else ever saw him really drunk.

    I ten our first encounter. e kneonis found ed on t and second floors. ting on top step and o one side to let me pass. I asked  and offered to take o top.

    me and I could see t I rance. Slo en filled my  y. ted me to sit beside  said it  my custom to sit on tairs at other peoples doors.

    quot;A; ;Youre quite rig  a moment, for I really must tell you   .quot;

    ed as o trance of t floor flat,  flooring betairs, t door tood a tall cupboard of maer on it, and in front of ts, an azalea and an araucaria, in large pots ands. ts looked very pretty and  spotlessly neat and clean, as I en noticed h pleasure.

    quot;Look at ttle vestibule,quot;  on, quot;s ime I cant go by  pausing a moment. At your aunts too, treme cleanliness, but ttle place of ts so sed and polis it positively glitters. I alake a deep breat as I go by. Dont you smell it too, a fragrance given off by t ine togets—tness and meticulousness, of duty and devotion stle t kno be a paradise of cleanliness and spotless mediocrity, of ordered oucion to lifes little s and tasks.

    quot;Do not, please, t,quot;  on  I speak  for t t is true t I live myself in anot endure to live a single day in a  teppenill Im too s and took care to  and tidy as ever s. All t is brougo me by turpentine and by t do little garden of order and rejoice t sucill are.quot;

    ed to get up, but found it difficult; and  repulse me  I submitted just as my aunt o a certain crange man could sometimes exercise. e  sloairs toget ;Youve come from business? ell, of course, I knotle of all t. I live a bit to one side, on t you too, I believe, interest yourself in books and sucters. Your aunt told me one day t you  you? It would delig;

    ook me into  strongly of tobacco, and took out a book from one of turned the passage.

    quot;too, very good,quot; ;listen to tate. Fine! Eigzsc t is not tence I meant. ait a moment, . t men  so. Is not t ty? Naturally, t s for ter. And naturally t t for t. Yes, and s more,  , but ered ter all t;

    erested; and I stayed on a s  en talked airs or in treet. On suc first t  it  so.  for me, just as ion, er, edness, t a glimpse nouality, for example, t kept me to my office  fall by a servant or tramor—acted on erally as a stimulus  in t arousing  first all to me a ridiculous exaggeration, tation of a gentleman of leisure, a playful sentimentality. But I came to see more and more t from ty spaces of ually really admired and loved our little bourgeois  ever remain far and unattainable, o took off  to our cime  ; and le occasion to talk to o draention, it migo some mending of o on , ened to  attention and consequence, as t reme and desperate effort t o our little peaceful  here, if only for an hour.

    During t very first conversation, about teppenoo estranged and disturbed me a little.  an expression! om did not only reconcile me to it, but soon I never t of oday  on a better description of eppes t  its rayed into toriking image could not be found for lessness, his homesickness, his homelessness.

    I o observe   a Symp,  some  teppen absorbed in s, paying attention neito to  tacranger,  eyes and a cold but troubled expression on er ttle symper a feranger began to smile and abandon o tely absorbed in  ten minutes so  and rapt in pleasant dreams t I paid more attention to o t to go; but after all   and  piece too. It ions by Reger, a composition t many found ratiresome. teppenoo,  made up o listen,  o s and sank once more into s, not  sadly and finally irritated.  and grey. t in it ed.

    I sa in treet and er, but stopped in front of a small old-faser looking irresolutely at time,  in. I obeyed a momentary impulse and follo a table in ted by ess and ress as a . Greeting oo, I took my seat beside  ter, ed for a pint of red  I o t, but  folloopic. tle and asked , the old helpless expression came over his face.

    quot;Youre quite rig; ;I ised abstinence myself for years, and ime of fasting, too, but noellation.quot;

    And took up  seemed to me t rology, ly resumed too polite tone ;You are rigunately, I cannot believe in t science eit;

    I took my leave and . It e before  ep ead of going straigo bed, ayed up an ting room, as I from my neighboring room could hear plainly enough.

    t forgotten. My aunt  and I ood a young and very pretty , talking and laugogetonis t ty and elegant; and all my conjectures about  once more. But before an airs read. For ly to and fro in ting room, exactly like a s cage. t, nearly until da in  all about to add. On one ot reets of too see  an even cimes. It explained to me, also tion my aunt  day, too, c  time before, tle of Italian   in airs. It grieved me.  a comfortless, w a forlorn and sless life he led!

    And noeppenence. But all t believe t ook er paying all   a oters t came for er .  not . It ten during time  it o say t I mig I liked .

    It  in my poo verify truted in . I  t t part fictitious, not, rary invention. tual events ed to express by giving tangible experiences. tly fantastic occurrences in ion come presumably from ter period of ay  t even t t time our guest did in fact alter very muc a great deal, for imes; and ouc t time I imes, indeed, ively  mean t a neely. All day long  t time tremely violent, I may even say brutal, quarrel occurred s pardon for days after.

    No, I am sure  taken ill alive, and somerange ares some floors and carefully tended araucarias, sits for days in libraries and nigaverns, or lying on a ens to t   killed ill tells  o drink tful suffering in  to t it is of t die. I ten.  made life lig t of fostering strengtrary! But I am not  a solid one, filled ies. And so ionately, my aunt and I. So say of  t lies buried in .

    And no o tly diseased, partly beautiful, and tful fantasies, I must confess t if to my  kno certainly . But oo my acquaintance o some extent, to understand to appreciate tate to s ted case of a diseased temperament. But I see somet of times, for  tricity of a single individual, but times t generation to  by no means attacks t, ratrongest in spirit and ric in gifts.

    ttle of real life may lie at t an attempt to disguise or to palliate times. ttempt to present tself in its actual manifestation. terally, a journey times fearful, sometimes courageous journey taken ermination to go to to give battle to co suffer torture to the full.

    A remark of o terpretation. o me once ;tent. A man of test t-day life as someture, every custom and tradition s os os orengts beauties and ugliness; accepts certain sufferings as matters of course, puts up patiently ain evils. o real suffering, to ures and religions overlap. A man of to live in medieval times e miserably just as a savage does in t of our civilisation. Noimes  it loses all poo understand itself and andard, no security, no simple acquiescence. Naturally, every one does not feel trongly. A nature suczsco suffer our present ills more tion in advance.  o go tood, today.quot;

    I often o to t bety and simple acquiescence. o te it is to live tiny ened to tcorture, a personal hell.

    t seems to me, lies to publis, I neit every reader do as his conscience bids him.

    hARRY

    hALLERS

 TREATISE ON THE STEPPENWOLF -1

    teppen neverty a eppes.  people of a good intelligence can, and entment in ly  at ttom of  ime (or t  y not a man, but a eppes. Clever men mig le  and disorderly, and t t inction against t in   actually a beast  one could speak at lengtertainingly, and indeed e a book about it. teppener for it, since for  o  o t it or o  all. It left t the same.

    And so teppenures, a e, and it may  it  a very exceptional one. t  in t experiencing any extraordinary difficulties on t account. In sucogetion to suc o to t  te. In  go toget inual and deadly enmity. One existed simply and solely to y, to eac, and none is light.

    Noeppen  in , erfere and condemn, imes t  tiful t, felt a fine and noble emotion, or performed a so-called good act, teet ter scorn omime , of a ed o trot alone over teppes and noo gorge o pursue a female ivities became upid and vain. But it ly t and beeet red and enmity against all e manners and customs. For t of ce and beast, and spoiled and embittered for hy and wild wolfs being.

    t eppen  ly pleasant and . t mean,  raordinary degree (alt may o akes t fall to est). t cannot be said of any man. Even . And even t life s sunny moments and its little floone. So it eppenoo. It cannot be denied t  is, o love eresting man, and  being does, to be loved as a   valued t  of all conceal and belie tamable, trong, and t peculiarly disappointing and deplorable , and ed to , to read poetry and to c disappointed and angry of all; and so it  teppeno tinies of oto contact hem.

    No o ably divided life is nevert kno, as t an exception and as one sinner may under certain circumstances be dearer to God ty and nine rigoo tions and strokes of good luck, and t imes as times as t confusion of t not merely did one keep c t but eacrengtoo, as ed and common knoimes to o be arrested noant, and broken to yield to tional and miraculous. No of teppen  but intense ion over e to ts content. Even ten over table days.

    In tion one t be said. tists are of y for y for suffering; and in just sucate of enmity and entanglement to times in ts of rengty, ts  t of it, spreading its radiance, toucoo s encment. ting foam over t, in  ar and appears to all ernal and as a ever t is to say, t t ists or t otors, sers. ts of a perpetual tide, unorn errible and meaningless, unless one is ready to see its meaning in just ts, ts and  s above to suce and   per a bad joke, a violent and ill-fated abortion of tastropure. to too,   man is per merely a ional animal but a cined to immortality.

    Men of every kind eristics, tures, tues and vices and t at nigeppene tendencies. tcime of day for  and it never brougs nor done any good before midday, nor ever ernoon oive and, sometimes, agloe craving for independence ty in earning o go orn clot of independence. o o times age and o safeguard y. No prospect asteful to  o go to an office and conform to daily and yearly routine and obey oted all kinds of offices, governmental or commercial, as ed deat nig in barracks. rived, often at great sacrifice, to avoid all sucs. It ue rested. On t  nor bribed. er able. Only, tue, o iny of suffering. It o  does to all;  and most stubborn instinct of o , but more t er fate. t. ook orders from no man and ordered o suit no man. Independently and alone,  to do and to leave undone. For every strong man attains to t  of ttained   ood alone. t  even concerned about o suffocate slomospeness and solitude. For no , but rat and ence. t be cancelled, and it o open o y. People left  ,   of red and repugnance. On trary,  many people liked  it ations, presents, pleasant letters; but no more. No one came near to , and no one could  in . For till atmospionsmosp w earmarks of his life.

    Anot  must be said t to call suicides only tually destroy t and in y and stamped e,  account to type of tion; ed as suicides by ture of ty, ; and  necessarily live in a peculiarly close relationso deat being a suicide.  is peculiar to t ly or  to be an extremely dangerous, dubious, and doomed germ of nature; t o an extraordinary risk, as tood est foot pus or an instants o precipitate o te in t suicide is t probable manner of deat mig sucemperaments,  t of vital force. On trary, among t;suicidesquot; are to be found unusually tenacious and eager and also ures. But just as t t indisposition develop a fever, so do tional and sensitive, develop at t sion of suicide. y to concern itself ead of al pure of an antters of fact o every one.

    of suicides touc t is psycly papter  and a muc. In t suicides present taken by t in in individuals, t find t in ting and molding of t in liberating to to God, back to tures are  life as to cast to be extinguiso go back to the beginning.

    As every strengtances must) so, on trary, may typical suicide find a strengt in  . teppenion and support, and not merely t to deato  any moment. It is true t o at once called forto find an escape in deat of tendency a p ually serviceable to life. rengty  t t stood aloo, to taste o t  too badly imes ;I am curious to see all t  of o escape.quot; t many suicides to s an uncommon strength.

    On ty of fig temptation of suicide. Every one of t suicide, t, is rat it is nobler and finer to be conquered by life to fall by ones oant conscience of so-called self-contented persons, ty of suicides are left to a protracted struggle against temptation. truggle as tomaniac against eppen unfamiliar ruggle.   ty-seven or ts, a  uno en derived some amusement. ed iet alloake o  so o employ t or not. Let o  migy, suffering and bitterness, time-limit. It could not extend beyond t y, ures and so ts of   particularly badly ies o teness and loneliness and savagery of o ormentors: quot;Only , ter.quot; And  of tietters of congratulation s, depression of spirits, and all pains of im.

 -3

    Just as taminated tic and intellectual atmospudy and just as trangers and disturbers, yes, and as destroyers, into my carefully tended garden of music, so, too, from all sides tegrating influences upon my life t, till noreatise, and oo,  springing up beside t of old ones; making clamorous demands and creating confusion; and noure y ies and pursuits in rong tention, and I ed a picture of myself as a person  refined and educated specialist in poetry, music and p of me to be a centialities, instincts and impulses weppenwolf.

    Meanion of ty by no means a pleasant and amusing adventure. On trary, it en exceedingly painful, often almost intolerable. Often truly fiendiso my ears in t of surroundings o so very different a key. And many a time, ylisaurant among pleasure seekers and elegant rakes, I felt t I raitor to all t I o  sacred.  me for one rafficking  not see inually under s of rebellion and escape in my face, and smiled at them.

    As truction of all t I y  on, I began to understand, too,  I e of all my despair. I began to perceive t t of my old conventional and lying existence. te ed er, student of Mozart and Goetap, upon genius and tragedy and y, t in a cell encumbered  by bit to self-criticism and at every point ing. ted and interesting o be sure, preacy and ested against ty of t  let ood against a able and noble, but still a compromise and no more. o tal and yet rial securities lying at  terest from t a pang of conscience. And so it o be sure, rigged  finely as an idealist and contemner of t and gro bottom, ook exception to a life like s taurant and tead of longing to be freed and completed, rary, most earnestly to get back to times ual trifling   so to get back to time before t aking a lesson from t. O I clung to o t o ting ual, to al (to  timid and ludicrous dilettante of trait al ceristics  sucion of Goetual coo-noble gaze sion of elevated t and y, until  overcome by  last, ture stood badly in need of repairs! tably dismantled! ary tered breecudied no ed ead of ability and carrying on a o lost repute.

    I antly finding myself in timate of o be revised if only because  on me tty nonentity, a little beau, and somey at t, as o dribble into oy trumpet and  e. Pablo,  interested in my opinions. t to ened esy, smiling as  ual reply. On te of t seemed t I erest. It

    to please me and to sain irritation, and even ill less attempts at conversation roubled and sorroaking my left roking it, tle gold snuffbox. It  ook a pinc immediate effect  I became clearer in t told me t Pablo   co er in tilling pain, for inducing sleep, for begetting beautiful dreams, lively spirits and the passion of love.

    One day I met reet near turned at once to accompany me. time I succeeded at last in making alk.

    quot;; I said to ick, quot;you are a friend of  is erest in you. But I cant say you make it easy to get on imes I tempted to talk about music  ed me to knos and opinions, ed mine or not, but you o make me even t reply.quot;

    amiable smile and time a reply was accorded me.

    quot;ell,quot; y, quot;you see, in my opinion t at all in talking about music. I never talk about music.  reply, to make to your very able and just remarks? You ly rig, you see, I am a musician, not a professor, and I dont believe t, as regards music, t point in being rig depend on being rigaste and education and all t.quot;

    quot;Indeed. t does it depend on?quot;

    quot;On making music, ensity of , Monsieur. te  t a soul ter for it. But  gets into to ts t and t alone. Look at t t er a longisco laug is w;

    quot;Very good,  t only sensual music. tual also. Besides t is actually played at t, tal music t lives on even  actually being played. It can o a man to lie alone in bed and to call to mind a melody from te or tt anybody bloo a flute or passing a bo;

    quot;Certainly,  by many a lonely dreamer. Even t typist in est one step in aps ime to it. You are rig grudge all te music, e or Valencia. But e music from? t it from us, t must first  must  into t  and dream of it.quot;

    quot;Granted,quot; I said coolly, quot;all t  do to put Mozart and test fox trot on t is not one and ternal music or cuff of t is forgotten tomorro;

    one t I ting excited,  once put on  amiable expression and toucness to his voice.

    quot;Aly rigo say to your putting Mozart and  levels you please. It is all one to me. It is not for me to decide about levels. I s t, perill be played in a , I t of every z and fox trot too. o do s according to our duties and our gifts. e o play ually in demand, and  as ifully and as expressively as ever ;

    it up. tting past the fellow.

    At many moments te oddly mixed  once. t one moment in bitter strife, at t in peace. Many a time to be dead and done o yrannizing and contradictory till ttle ne otimes took t and squeezed . truggle, many a t of the razor blade.

    Often,   public exion of dancing, I  into my bedroom at nigo my indescribable astonis, dismay, ment found the lovely Maria lying in my bed.

    Of all t  violent. For I  a moments doubt t it , as usually, been  evening. I o a recital of old ciful, to my past life, to territory of my ideal self. Beneaty Gotted vaulting sly life in ts, I e voice of a Baces of ts external dignity and sanctity o life all ted encment and ent in ty cracted, a guest for an  tears o my eyes. I  ed for t. Dropping t I  evenings I  ists after sucs) and stealing a of treets, s jazz orcras unes of to live. O a dull maze of error I had made of my life!

    For long during ts ion to music, and not for t time recognized tal relation as tiny of tire German spirit. In t triarcure rules in to an extent unknoellectuals, instead of fig tendency like men, and rendering obedience to t, t, are all dreaming of a speec  utters to tead of playing  as truly and ly as ellectual antly rebelled against t reason and courted music. And so t, carousing in music, in ions of sound, and ies of feeling and mood t y,  ter part of its practical gifts to decay. None of us intellectuals is at y. e are strange to it and ile. t is ellect even in our oy, in our ory and politics and public opinion, able a one. ell, I en pondered all t  an intense longing sometimes to turn to and do someto be seriously and responsibly active instead of occupying myself forever  estics and intellectual and artistic pursuits. It alo destiny. tains of industry e rigo be made of us intellectuals. e  of talented cterboxes for he razor.

    So, full of ts and t  rievably lost, I   last; climbed my stairs; put on t in my sitting room; tried in vain to read; t of tment  terness not only of myself, but of oo. S  and kindest intentions and s be a  ster all to let me perisead of drao trange, dazzling, dizzying world of ranger and wed away.

    And so I  out t and taken myself to my bedroom and sadly begun to undress; and tomed smell. t aroma of scent, and looking round I satle startled, h large blue eyes.

    quot;Maria!quot; I said. And my first ts  my landlady ice w.

    quot;Ive come,quot; sly. quot;Are you angry ;

    quot;No, no. I see  t it?quot;

    quot;O does make you angry. Ill go again.quot;

    quot;No, lovely Maria, stay! Only, just tonig be jolly tonigomorroter again.quot;

    I  doook o speak lo lay so strangely and .

    quot;You dont need to be jolly,quot; s;old me t you roubles. Any one can understand t. tell me, till? t;

    I kissed s. A moment ago I  of terness and reproac in my   evening. ts . Sloill my kisses reac.  me omniscient and bountiful.

    During t by Marias side I did not sleep muc my sleep alked softly, a number of curious tales about rical ime, I o ts singular innocence and singular corruption. tly from poor  too intelligent and too pretty to give to some ill-paid and joyless imes on casual imes on tue. No at a typeer; at times resses of o-do men of t money and presents; lived at times in furs and motorcars, at otimes in attics, and t under some circumstances induce to marry, t at all eager for it. Many of ttle inclination for love and gave t t price. Oted in love and unable to do  it. tive friends -ed, intelligent and yet tless, tterflies lived a life at once c, not to be boug in good luck and fine  clinging to it far less to folloo le, alain, t, t a difficult and sad end ore for them.

    During t  nig folloaugaugs of t sanding, neel lounges t for me, t and este,  it sometrivial, forbidden, and degrading, ed. In t  and knes  a restaurant as one of us mig, and ture and emotion on test craze in dances or timental cloying song of a jazz singer as one of us on Nietzscalked to me about t imes, and sion and love as s t I asies of any ured person over artistic pleasures of t and most distinguisy. I o ent it migender looks tore large gaps in tics. to be sure a beauty, one and indivisible, small and select, t seemed to me,  at top, to be above all dispute and doubt, but ics in our yout and for artists t today  and dismay?  t o us  and agner, and, to many of us, even  tion over t as pure and beautiful an artistic experience and exalted as far beyond doubt as ture of any academic big-ristan, or tasy of a conductor over t t?

    Maria too appeared to love tiful Pablo extremely.

    quot;ainly is a beauty,quot; said I. quot;I like oo. But tell me, Maria, iresome old fello play a saxop sing any Englis;

    quot;Dont talk so ; s;It is quite natural. I like you too. You, too,  you t endears you and marks you out. I  . One oug to talk of t ted for. Listen,  you like me. You  tells me: You please eful to you for being pretty. t gives me great, great pleasure. And ts just te t pleases me, t  little of me and conferred a favor.quot;

    Again o find my arm still about iful, beautiful flower.

    And tiful florange to say, continued to be nonet t inued to stand in front of o  of Erica intervened—my distant, angry love, my poor friend. Sty t so blooming; and srained, and not so rictle arts of making love. Sood a moment before my eyes, clearly and painfully, loved and deeply o my destiny; t a ted distance.

    And so in tender beauty of t many pictures of my life rose before me  toucy. For moments toget stood still beternal stars and constellations. My cender transfiguration like a distant glimpse over mountains into tany of my friends as clear as trumpets; ted by me  sea floer, o oo, appeared. I augrife and resignation. In spite of all tcomings of our life, my confidence in ouco t against me and deserted me   must rayal to ed so deep and lifelong a wound.

    tures—t—all came back. t of t of love, and I knecten, t ts ructible and abiding as tars, tten, could never be erased. tory of my life, tarry lig  led to renunciation and not ter  of all  it o be proud of. It s c ttle o deat mig er and turned not on trifles, but on tars.

    time tle of all t passed t nigtle of all enderness of love, a fes of clear a nig time since my doing radiance of my os of ts  I o snatctered images and raise my life as eppeno ty of one picture, in order to enter myself into tion and be immortal. as not t for the progress of every human life?

    In ter er in took a little room in a neiger wings.

    true to ies, ress, appeared and I o learn ton. S release me from a single lesson, for it  I o attend tume, but so tell me anyt it. to visit o know will forbidden me.

    time, about ts o be t ure in t even t intellectual and, comparatively speaking, educated o t ratantly opposed it. I took my problems and my ts o t terly impossible to love a girl for more t reading  inguisscion. Sous substitutes. ly from t and task s racting tmost deligicular figure, emperament; and in employing every faculty, every curve and line and every softest modeling of o find responsive perceptions in o conjure up in t. t sold me t t and t and carefully cultivated sensibility and ed by it. Certainly, too, it  t roduced me to t and the very significance of summer and of roses.

    It  my fortune to be Marias only lover, nor even e one. I en sime for me, often only an  midday, seldom a nigook no money from me. o t. Ss, tle purse of red lacquered leat be t. As a matter of fact, s me over t ers, about  time I tle learned as in any language of t deal from Maria. Before all else I learned t t mere idle trifles invented by manufacturers and dealers for trary, a little or, ratative and beautiful, many sided, containing a multiplicity of to t in a magical ruments of love, from po to to cigarette case, from -buckle to ic material of love, of magic and deligtle cry.

    I often inguis Pablo a some Maria assured me t t took a long time to er or riding master.

    In t to knos about t, jazz musicians, actors and many of ties and by degrees (tire stranger to treated  oo. It . At times soo, availed  drugs and s for me also; and Pablo  markedly on t to be of service to me. Once o me  more ado: quot;You are so very un is bad. One s be like t. It makes me sorry. try a mild pipe of opium.quot; My opinion of telligent, c time, unfaten took some of  my affair . Once ertained us in op floor of an el in to sit on ttle bottles, a mysterious and o a very good o celebrate a love orgy for tly. Suco me. Nevertole a glance at Maria to see ook it, and t once backed up my refusal I sa tion cost . Pablo ed by my refusal but not . quot;Pity,quot; ;oo morally minded. Noto be done. All t iful! But Ive got anot; tle opium to smoke, and sitting motionless  ed to us . As I felt a little uner t ting breatook t came from Maria, but I kne came from him.

    And one evening ill more. Coming to me in my room old me t y francs and ead of .

    quot;Pablo,quot; I said, very muc;you dont knoer for a ed among us as t degradation. I  ;

    me y. quot;You dont  to, ies for yourself. Dont sleep tonig. But give me t back. I  need of it.quot;

    quot; for?quot;

    quot;For Agostino, ttle second violin, you knoer  a sou, nor  t.quot;

    From curiosity and also partly to punis o Agostino. ook milk and medicine to tic, and a c ly and efficiently like a good sick nurse. till day Bar.

    I often talked at lengtail about Maria  her hands and shoulders and hips and her way of laughing and kissing and dancing.

    quot;; asked o me a peculiar play of tongue in kissing. I asked o s me  s earnest in ;t is for later. I am not your love yet.quot;

    I asked ed s as  could be knoo her lovers.

    quot;O; s;er all. Do you ts from one anot say youve got iful girl. t;

    quot;All ts from eacold  me?quot;

    quot;No, ts anotter. t understand. Maria is unate. But bet a notion of. Naturally I told  about you, muc time. I o and you as I understand you. Ive learned somet you from old me all about you as far as s all. I kno toget;

    It erious to knoed relations rose before me, neies in love and life; and I t of teppenreatise.

 -4

    In t interval betime t I got to kno I never  ttainment of felicity. I inct impression, rat all tion, t everyt t of tter o come.

    I  in dancing t I felt quite equal to playing my part at talking. . Sook test care not to let out o be. I  in t inquisitive to kno I s ume at all. Maria, ner, explained t sicket too, in fact; and I sament t I so attend tivity alone. It oy of Artists in the Globe Rooms.

    During ttle of  t. Sicket, ly o a conversation so remarkable t it made a deep impression on me.

    quot;Youre really doing splendidly,quot; s;Dancing suits you. Anyone  four ;

    quot;Yes,quot; I agreed. quot;t gone so s all your doing, ;

    quot;O tiful Marias?quot;

    quot;No. S from you like all t. S;

    quot;S teppenty, young, liged, an expert in love and not to be  to s aling guest, it ter.quot;

    Yes, I o concede too.

    quot;And so  everyt no;

    quot;No,  is not like t.  I  is very beautiful and delig pleasure, a great consolation. Im really ;

    quot;ell t more do you ?quot;

    quot;I do  more. I am not content  made for it. It is not my destiny. My destiny is te.quot;

    quot;to be un? ell, youve  and to spare, t time w go ;

    quot;No,  is somet time, I grant you, I  upid un led to not;

    quot;;

    quot;Because I s  fear of deat all t I need and long for is different. It is of t  me suffer  after deat is t I am ing for.quot;

    quot;I understand t. ter. But  t you  you content?quot;

    quot;I  it. O. Im grateful for it. It is as lovely as a sunny day in a  summer. But I suspect t it cant last. to not gives content, but content is no food for me. It lulls teppeno sleep and satiates  it is not a o die for.quot;

    quot;So its necessary to be dead, Steppen;

    quot;I tent and I can bear it for a long  sometimes o look about me and long for t to keep t to suffer once again, only more beautifully and less meanly t make me ready and o die.quot;

    enderly in my eyes  dark look t could so suddenly come into oget it  to hear her, she said:

    quot;I  to tell you sometoday, somet I  too; but per to yourself. I am going to tell you no is t I kno you and me and our fate. You, ist and a track of  and eternal, never content rivial and petty. But t you back to yourself, ter  aken you, till you o your neck in t you once kneiful and sacred, all tiny,  its o pieces. Your faito breation is a  true,  your fate?quot;

    I nodded again and again.

    quot;You ure of life  tever, and t life is no poem of s to play and so on, but a comfortable room ent ing and drinking, coffee and knitting, cards and  in iful, and t poets or for ts—is a fool and a Don Quixote. Good. And it  ted girl. I  to live up to a andard, to expect muc t part. I could ionary, ter of a genius, tyr. And life  to be a courtesan of fairly good taste, and even t  is ime I put t I, must in t, and if life scorned my beautiful dreams, so I argued, it  upid and  did not  all. And as I tle inquisitive too, I took a good look at t my neigances, fifty or so of tinies, and t my dreams  a times over, just as yours  y t  tle rig a y and in a senseless  a typeer in to marry suco become some kind of drudge, as for a man like you to be forced in o o a razor. Perrouble erial and moral and ual—but it  understand your rot, your dislike of bars and dancing floors, your loat of it? I understand it only too ics as ter and irresponsible antics of ties and t  is to be, over all t people noions tion t, Steppen you must go to too exacting and ented oday. You oo many. s to live and enjoy oday must not be like you and me. s music instead of noise, joy instead of pleasure, soul instead of gold, creative ead of business, passion instead of foolery, finds no rivial ;

    So meditation.

    quot;; I cried tenderly, quot;sister,  you taugrot! But  people like us oo many cannot live  brings it about? Is it only so in our days, or  so al;

    quot;I dont kno to be in our time only—a disease, a momentary misfortune. Our leaders strain every nerve, and o get t , earn money and eat ces—in sucime t indeed cut a poor figure. Let us  otimes ter, and ter again, ric t is no o us now. And per ;

    quot;Al is today? Alicians, profiteers, ers and pleasure-seekers, and not a breat;

    quot;ell, I dont kno is all t I am te of o me sometimes, and read me, too, some of ters, of Mozart.  rolled times and ruled t and gave tone and counted for somet Mozart or t or t faso die and be buried? And per  is called ory at sc t  deeds and fine emotions, is all not a sed by ters for educational reasons to keep c ime and to to t, to t deat;

    quot;Not;

    quot;Yes, eternity.quot;

    quot;You mean a name, and fame erity?quot;

    quot;No, Steppen fame.  any value? And do you t all true and real men o posterity?quot;

    quot;No, of course not.quot;

    quot;t isnt fame. Fame exists in t sense only for ters. No, it isnt fame. It is ernity. t to myself: all  contrive to live at all if t anoto breatside t eternity at time; and trut belongs try of your great poets. ts, too, belong tyrdom and given a great example to men. But true act, trengtrue feeling, belongs to eternity just as muc or sees it or records it or  doo posterity. In eternity terity.quot;

    quot;You are rig;

    quot;t; s on meditatively, quot;after all kno about t is s and s. ts, true men, t, in every love. ts, in earlier times it  by painters in a golden iful and full of peace, and it is not  a moment ago ernity. It is time and appearances. It is t is t rives for. And for t reason, Steppen, and I my saints, Cops  o saintliness, sin and vice. You  I often t even my friend Pablo mig in o stumble, t and o guide us. Our only guide is our ;

    it ting; it lit up t lettering on took o er, and so ayed for a moment. And so I s to stay and to  no more t day. But Maria , t before t Ball.

    But on my o join Maria I t, not of  of o me t it , pers but mine. S, breat to me as someticularly to  of eternity just at time. I needed it, for  it I could not live and neitimelessness, of a ance of oday by taught me dancing.

    I o recall my dream of Goet vision of tals. For t time I understood Goeter, ter of tals. It . It   andings of men and got to eternity and ternity ion of time, its return to innocence, so to speak, and its transformation again into space.

    I  to meet Maria at t arrived, and ing at table in t and secluded restaurant, my ts still ran on tion I s t e and als, living timeless space, enraptured, re-fasalline eternity like etarry brig serenity of tside timately knoed, passages of Mozarts Cassations, of Bacempered Clavier came to my mind and it seemed to me t all tarry brig ime frozen into space, and above it ty, an eternal, divine laugted in too! And suddenly I er around me. I als laug entranced. Entranced, I felt for a pencil in my coat pocket, and looking for paper saable. I turned it over and e on te verses and forgot about till one day I discovered t. they ran:

    tALS

    Ever reeking from th

    Ascends to us lifes fevered surge,

    ealth,

    Smoke of deathe gallows verge;

    Greed  end, imprisoned air;

    Murderers hands, usurers hands, hands of prayer;

    Exid breathe human swarm

    , blood raw, blood warm,

    Breats,

    Eating itself and spe eats,

    c,

    Decking out  craze

    Bawdy hey blaze,

    time mart

    eltering to its own decay

    In the glare of pleasures way,

    Rising for eachen

    Sinking for eaco dust again.

    But we above you ever more residing

    In tar translumined ice

    Kno day nor nigimes dividing,

    ear nor age nor sex for our device.

    All your sins and anguising,

    Your murders and lascivious delighting

    Are to us but as a show

    Like t circling go,

    C our day for night;

    On your frenzied life we spy,

    And refreser

    itars in order fleeing;

    Our breater; in our sight

    Fahe sky;

    Cool and uncernal being,

    Cool and star brigernal laughter.

    ter a co our little room. S evening, imate tender t I felt it as t complete abandon. quot;Maria,quot; said I, quot;you are as prodigal today as a goddess. Dont kill us bote. tomorroer all is t for a cavalier tomorro of good lovers ime.quot;

    S o my ear and whispered:

    quot;Dont say t, ime mig time. If akes you, you o me. Perake you tomorro;

    Never did I experience to t strange, bitter-s alternation of mood, more po nig  and subtle sensuous joy of inasting a  I o kno joy like a rippling pool. And yet t  and tense e, and ender, I tle s appealing tly  a care in t e raced on at breakneck speed, racing and cened raigous abyss, spurred on by dread and longing to tion of deat as a s ed aside in fear from tless pleasure of merely sensual love and felt a dread of Marias beauty t laugself, so no a dread of deat s approaco surrender and release.

    Even  and deep preoccupation of our love and belonged more closely to one anoto Maria, and took leave of all t s to me. I o confide myself like a co lifes surface play, to pursue a fleeting joy, and to be bot in tate t (in earlier life) I ion. tter accompaniment of guilt, t but dread taste of forbidden fruit t puts a spiritual man on s innocence, and I  t it ime to go on fart oo agreeable and too  iny to make anotion of its endless guilt. An easy life, an easy love, an easy deat for me.

    From old me I gat for t day, or in connection , quite unusual deligravagances . Per . Per nigogete. I o Maria; and t burst of wild desire...

 -5

    I made up by day for t at niger a bat ired. I darkened my bedroom and as I undressed I came on t; but I forgot t Maria and  t  till I  up in t I remembered t t I o find a dress s. I got myself ready in very good  out ter to have dinner.

    It  masked ball I o participate in. In earlier days, it is true, I tended sucivities and even sometimes found tertaining, but I ator merely. As for talked and rejoiced over t ruck me as comic. And nooo to find t painful suspense. As I ner to take, I decided not to go till late. too, hermine had counseled me.

    I e been to teel , my former refuge,  out t bac did not suit to lead since. to it before I  fate and parting imposed on me just noations and sation in my lifes pilgrimage caug gleam of pain and beauty t comes from t; and so too tle tavern, trons I ely been numbered and e of a bottle of cely ened me enougo spend one more nigo endure life for one more day. I asted otronger stimulus since ter poison. itered t el. ted me and so,  company of ués. A roast c before me. t glass. te ables and te and drank t feeling of cions, t s and in of all t  been parted from, and from o part imentality.  te objects.  even love  sacred object, orcar, but is ever o exc as soon as er model. ty. renuous—a splendid type, and in t   a modern man, nor an old-fasime altoget my  my elboion to sentimentalities. I o find a trace of anytill remaining in my burned-out . So I let my memories of tavern and my attac to t and  ty in fareleness in tone. t o me, and so  glass and taste of timacy  and dreaming drinkers, timentality, ligoucill forbidden trange and  no Steppeno tear my sentiment to pieces. I sat t ill s afterglow.

    A street seller came in and I bouged cnuts. An old  a buncs and presented to t  till I  to pay my bill and felt in vain for t of t I usually  I realized once more t I he Masked Ball. And hermine!

    It ill early enoug convince myself to go to traig too—as I  ely come my o enter trange atmosphe world of pleasure and dancing.

    As I sauntered along I passed by a cinema s dazzling ligers. I  on a feeps, turned again and  in. till eleven I could sit quietly and comfortably in t I stumbled tains into t and estament. t are nominally not ss are lavis midday even sc to see teacory of Moses and tes in Egypt, ribulations of t. I sas of alt man, a splendidly trical Moses,  at taff and tride of a otan. I sa ted to give free passage, a deep road betains of er (tion classes conducted by to see t end as to  and ruck people pass to ts of Po sigians stop and start on tured courageously on, I saainous ers close over trappings and over all s and all ,  for tly sung. I sa of storm and tning imparted ten Commandments to  up t t of tain and gave to someerous celebrations. I found it so strange and incredible to be looking on at all to be seeing t, s s  daed for money before a grateful public t sat quietly eating t  from tle picture, indeed, picked up by cure in to suc er for t alone tians, to  and becoming deatead of tence of dying by inc oday. Yes indeed!

    My secret repressions and unconfessed frigrary, to uncomfortable proportions and I o so to enter. It e, and time in full s once before I aken off my t up, sed familiarly. Girls summoned me to to none of it, but fougo t my cloakroom ticket I put it in my pocket  care, reflecting t I mig before very long whe uproar.

    Every part of t building o tivities. t as airs o overfloer and tumult. Oppressed in  I stole tra to t band, from tly ligo to tairs, to bars, buffets and cly ings by test artists. All tists, journalists, professors, business men, and of course every ad of pleasure in toras sat Pablo, blo a greeting. Puser anotairs airs t aged as ists and ter a ime after time to reac eito meet t. By midnig danced I o t cter strangers and ordered some o t joining in sucivals  for an old man like me. I drank my glass of  tcesquely masked figures drifting by and silently declined to sit on my knee or get me to dance. quot;Old Gro; one called after me; and s. I decided to raise my spirits  even t against me and I could scarcely s over me t teppenanding beongue out. Noto be sure, I  intentions, but to be merry in; and all ter and t on every side, seemed to me forced and stupid.

    t , at about one oclock, in anger and disillusionment I steered a course for to put on my coat again and go. It o my  I could not do oto till kept a careful lookout in case I mig see one of my friends, but in vain. Noood at ter. Already ttendant ely extending  in my coat pocket—t if even ten enoug over my tasteless , figo go a  me.

    quot;Lost your number?quot; came in a s my elbo;ake mine,quot; and  out to me  more ado. ook it and turned it over in my fingers ttle fellow rapidly disappeared.

    eboard counter for a number, no number o be seen. Instead tiny tendant to  and  to t ligo read it. ttle crazy letters t were scarcely legible was scrawled:

    tONIG tER

    FOR MADMEN ONLY

    PRICE OF ADMIttANCE YOUR MIND.

    NOt FOR EVERYBODY.hERMINE IS IN hELL.

    As a marionette  o neer a brief paralysis of deats lively part, so did I at ticity and eagerness of youto tumult from reated in tlessness and o get to  before my patent-leated air disgusted me, and t undone me. No I nimbly one-stepped to ed me on, and so no less did tous music, toxication of colors, tongues, ter, to my arms: quot;Dance ; quot;Cant,quot; said I. quot;Im bound for  Ill gladly take a kiss ; t mine and  igime ill joined. Past Pablo rument. tracted radiance. But before y steps tfully I let go of Maria.

    quot;Id o ; I said, intoxicated ;Come ep or tiful arm. Let me  a moment longer! But, you see, ;

    quot;I t so. Fare you.quot; S me—left me indeed. Yes, it umn, it e, t .

    On I  tairs to cs, and tra of devils  ted a pretty young fello a mask and in evening dress o t ty couples  ill in masks and smiled at me, but none  me. At t pause, t I, s no one came.

    I  over to to a corner of taking a seat near t I sa t tled on it from t. O flas was h.

    quot;; I stammered.

    S;;

    It le paint. tyliso telligent face, t and te cuffs made rousers gave a curious elegance to  in te silk socks.

    quot;Is tume, o make me fall in love ;

    quot;So far,quot; s;I ented myself urning t nourn , lets ;

    So o train of trings. And  o give  trouble I  dance ender advances, and  and neutral in ures encircled me  so mucouco self kept  s e. For salked to me about  c ty for love, in its first yout only bot all and everytual, and endoransformation sucer years comes again only to a co poets, and to t s up t of a young man, smoking cigarettes and talking ed ease t often tle mockery in it; and yet it  ransformed, as it reaco a cion.

    I kneely neion of o me t nigly and inconspicuously s t I longed for around me, and  poison to drink!

    e sat and talked and drank crolled t us. e  on voyages of exploration to discover couples o spy upon. Sed out o ttack to be employed ook t for a urns and botried to  it  caugoget ale. Everyt beauty but looking tragic and un. to drink cogetold me after s of  as a man but as a , ted everyed cros scent. I toyed  after fruit. Serpents looked at me from green and leafy sus blossoms luxuriated over black bogs. Enced birds sang allurement from trees. Yet all o one longed-for goal, t kno;One  kno before.quot; t;Old Gro; a fe  dance it  ceasing for two  I hrong.

    An experience fell to my lot t of t I y years, t is knoo every flapper and student—toxication of a general festivity, terious merging of ty in tic union of joy. I en  spoken of. It o every servant girl. I en observed told me of it and I reated it imes in my life I ure oxicated and released from t smile, t ion, of turned by a common ent in drunken recruits and sailors, and also in great artists in tival; and not less in young soldiers going to  days I  and loved and mocked and envied toxication of playing in tra, or atic, o tor, t imes occurred to me t suco quite young persons or among toms permitted no marked differences bet today, on t, I myself, teppen ale. I myself breat intoxication of a common dream and of music and ren listened , or dismal superiority, to its panegyric in tter of some student. I y oxication of tivity like salt in er. I danced , but it  only t belonged to me. All to t faces floated past me like fantastic floo me, and I to t in one anotoo. I oo, rangers to me. theirs mine.

    A nerot, itle quot;Yearning,quot;  t er. Once  . e  and intoxicated  and everyone   stop and e young girls, er prime, and ured—laug. And ion , ime rument , so tune of quot;Yearning.quot; I and my partner kissed our o  I, meano me  least, I, too, , released from myself, a brother of Pablos, a child.

    I  time, and I dont knooxication of ed. I did not observe eit ter tal fire burned ts   people . t and many of ts out. tairs ed and in tra after anotopped playing and gone a  till raged in a crescendo. Since I could not dance ing encounters in t last I lost sigirely—and not only sig t. ts left. I  in ts and tones and sigirred me. I ed and kindled by strange eyes, encircled by strange faces, borne ime to though by a wave.

    And to my senses for a moment, among t  it up in one of t to overfloill sounded—of a sudden I sate ed cion t I  seen before. e self in flused faces, cruste stood t e face beneatume  a crease and not a  of place. ed cuffs oucoickled my cs as no one elses  nigo tenderness and compelling to neacts by ts. I bent doo kiss s smile riump and long familiar. Of a sudden I recognized t ely. For a moment o o mine. till clasped ed couples round us clapped, stamped, cried out and urged ted orcra to play quot;Yearningquot; over again. And no it  beains. It o come. Blindly, s of laugely into to t t began to flood t moved in time to touc t o do to make me in love  so me. All t, all t I ed, all ured eyes ed togethe one whom I held in my arms.

    On and on  tial dance. time after time t truments fall. t got up from t fiddle sime tence of t intoxicated dancers and played once more. ter and more  last, as ood, still enter t eager dance, to our sides like trings and tist, blinking sleepily, put e as case. Doors opened, ttendants appeared er turned off t. t ago  on coats and cloaks and turned up t smiling. Slo and a faint and indescribably tender s to , and ttle trembling line of so me to sum up all tion of her body like a smile.

    e stood looking at one anot in t in titter of laugorcars starting up. And someerminable distance and , I , an extraordinarily clear and merry peal of laug it range. It  cold and inexorable.  tell.

    e stood and looked at one anot I came to my sober self. I felt a fearful   and limp my cloted cuffs. But all at once t t seemed to come from my oy fell ay of my sensuous love of c one anottle soul looked at me.

    quot;Youre ready?quot; asked . Far up in unkno t strange and eerie laughter.

    I nodded. Oh, yes, I was ready.

    At t Pablo appeared in t of  really  t animals eyes are alurned to o us y.  on a gorgeous silk smoking jacket. ired  t black eyes. So y erased, for too chery.

    e joined o me in a lo;Brote you to a little entertainment. For madmen only, and one price only—your mind. Are you ready?quot;

    Again I nodded.

    tude, , me , and conducted us upstairs to a small round room t  from t and nearly empty. t but a small round table and t ourselves.

    ting in a blue ligmospratum of reality t reme.

    e? alking so muc not peralk, spoke, indeed,  not, too, my o contemplated me out of  and frig as it  of hermines gray ones?

    Pablo looked at us good-naturedly as ever and alked mucive sentences, , , discoursed noly and  a fault.

    quot;My friends, I ed you to an entertainment t tle late and no doubt ,  and refrestle.quot;

    From a recess in took t little bottle, also a small oriental box inlaid ly colored le and taking ttes from tc of  . And notes aste terly unfamiliar. Its effect  peacefully exaking little sips at our glasses,  ourselves groer and more serene.

    From far away came Pablos warm voice.

    quot;It is a pleasure to me, my dear o  in a small en been sorely riving, , for escape? You o forsake ts reality and to penetrate to a reality more native to you, to a ime. You kno you seek. Only s t oty for s being o you no picture gallery but your ounity, to make your o is all.quot;

    Again  o t of  and dre a round looking glass.

    quot;Look, it is t you ;

    tle glass before my eyes (a co my mind: quot;Little glass, little glass in t;) and I sainctly and cloudily, tion of an uneasy self-tormented, ineppenened eyes t smoldered no, as a tributary pours its cloudy turmoil into a river. In bitter strife, eacried to devour t  prevail. terably sad e figure of tiful shy eyes.

    quot;t; Pablo remarked and put t. I o close my eyes and take a sip of the elixir.

    quot;And no; said Pablo, quot;tle talk. If your fatigue  you to my peep stle ter. ill you come?quot;

    e got up. itain aside, and er, and exactly in t a large number, indeed an incredible number, of narroo the boxes.

    quot;t; explained Pablo, quot;is our ter, and a jolly one it is. I s to laug.quot;  laug it  t. It  and peculiar laug I had heard before from below.

    quot;ttle ter of mine o as many boxes as you please, ten or a ly s you. It is a pretty cabinet of pictures, my dear friend; but it e useless for you to go t as you are. You urn by o call your personality. You  guessed long since t t of time and ty, or  may be t you co describe your longing, means simply to be relieved of your so-called personality. t is to enter ter as you are, you acles of teppened to lay tacles aside and to be so kind as to leave your eemed personality  again reatise on teppentle stimulant t aken of may ly prepared you. You, er  bey, er at your disposal, . Once inside, you can meet eaco go for a moment beain. I so introduce .quot;

    o t past a gigantic mirror t covered to vaulted ceiling.

    quot;No so and to teaco laugting up tertainment—I  easy for me. You feel quite rust? Not afraid? ts good, excellent. You  fear and er our visionary roduce yourself to it by means of a trifling suicide, since tom.quot;

    ook out t mirror again and  in front of my face. Again I ed by tinct and cloudy reflection,  and coursing t. I kne too  too sincerely for its destruction to cause me any sorrow.

    quot;You ion, my dear friend. t is all t is necessary. to do so, it  you greet it, if your mood permits, y laugo learn to laugrue o take ;

    I fixed my eyes on ttle mirror, oo, a faint but painful one like remembrance, or like  oppression gave o a ne a man feels racted ting out a deep breat time, t it   in t. And t exion and a desire to laugible t I o give o it.

    tself turned gray and c   rolling dohe endless corridor and disappeared.

    quot;ell laug; cried Pablo. quot;You o laugals yet. You eppen last. Its no good ake care t ays dead. Youll be able to leave ty bely. At our next meeting o brotter today. And if you still t ogetalk about music and Mozart and Gluck and Plato and Goeto your s content. You and nooday at any rate. For naturally, your suicide is not a final one. e are in a magic ter; a ures, not realities. See t you pick out beautiful and c you really are not in love ionable personality any longer. Sill, er it, you need only  I ; (Again t laugiful and frig;And notle ceremony and quite a jolly one. You o cast aside tacles of your personality. So come  ;

    Laugurned me about so t I faced tic mirror on there I saw myself.

    I saant as my usual self, except t I looked unusually good- and laug I ime to recognize myself before tion fell to pieces. A second, a tentiet till tic mirror  s of ant of recognition. Some of titudinous y-year-olds and ty-year-olds played leap frog. ty-year-olds and five-year-olds, solemn and merry, able, and even quite naked, long ions, left and rigo t of it. One, an elegant young felloogeticularly pleased me, a good looking and ceen or seventeen years, sprang like ligo tices on t after  of a door on which was inscribed:

    ALL GIRLS ARE YOURS

    ONE QUARtER IN t

    t into t he door.

    Pablo too ly  all tless figures. I realized t I  to myself and to ter, and I  y from door to door and read on eacs alluring invitation.

    tion

    JOLLY ING

    GREAt  IN AUtOMOBILES

    attracted me. I opened tepped in.

    I  at once into a ement. Cars, some of treets crians. t to deat t once t it ed and long-feared  broken out. On all sides lay dead and decomposing bodies, and on all sides, too, smasorted and ful confusion and ly stirring placards, ters flamed like torcion to side  to make an end at last of t and ocrats  from otomobiles. Set factories afire at last! Make a little room on te it so t tream and moor return to t and concrete. Otly pake in try and some se and less cerms ified to tellect of t tide of anarced in a truly impressive y and education and justice, and praised mac and most sublime invention of ts aid, men o tudied ted on t ted me as po, and I stood as deeply convinced in front of one as in front of turbed all time by t  on all round me. ell, t, genuine and ic ive and trical matters, all nonsense at bottom; but a ly pleasing gave empic expression to rove to prepare truction of t civilization of ours. In every eye I saruction and murder, and in mine too tly. I joined ttle joyfully.

    t of all,  my scav, turned up close beside me. I  sig, strongest, most eager and venturesome of t as I sa blue eyes.  once I followed him joyfully.

    quot;Good Lord, Gustav,quot; I cried ;I  seen you in ages. ever ;

    , just as o do as a boy. quot;t, jabbering and asking questions. Im a professor of t to kno, ts ;

    t came snorting too it as nimbly as a monkey, broug to a standstill for me to get in. ts and cras of town and suburbs.

    quot;Are you on turers?quot; I asked my friend.

    quot;Os a matter of taste, so  out of account—tion it, I rat take t bottom its all took tocrats against ts. So noablistle. tten car, I ll  anot;

    S as t ctled on, and reacryside many miles distant. e traversed a o tains.  on a smootening road t led in bold curves beteep aining wall. Far below she blue surface of a lake.

    quot;Lovely vie; said I.

    quot;Very pretty. ell call it t or anoto crasc!quot;

    A tall pine greall branctle  made of boards to serve as an outlook and point of vantage. Gustav smiled runk and, breatlook post,  came purring at top speed up tement ense.

    quot;Aim at t; commanded Gustav quickly just as t by beneat ttacked ts unumbling over, crasant report into ths below.

    quot;Got ; Gustav laug;My turn next.quot;

    Anots packed in t. From t blue veil streamed out be filled me ty a face it mig at least emulate trious and spare pretty av,  turned, s engine ill running and turned absurdly in t suddenly ful explosion it burst into flames.

    quot;A Ford,quot; said Gustav. quot;e must get do;

    e climbed doc soon burned out. Mean to to time it  cras as urned tly burned. One  ion. I searcs to see . I took one and read: tat twam Asi.

    quot;Very ty,quot; said Gustav. quot;tter of fact, it is all one ims are called. t as  matter. t painful solution o  under er for ten minutes. Noo ;

    e ter tooting. e s it doood. It made a drunken sretcurned over and lay gasping. One passenger ill sitting inside, but a pretty young girl got out uninjured, te and trembling violently. e greeted ely and offered our assistance. Soo muco speak and stared at us for a we dazed.

    quot;ell, first let us look after t; said Gustav and turned to t of till clung to  beleman  grey elligent, clear gray eyes  o be seriously ; at least, blood flowed from h and he held his neck askew and rigid.

    quot;Alloo introduce myself. My name is Gustav. e aken ty of sing your co address?quot;

    t us coolly and sadly out of his small gray eyes.

    quot;I am Attorney-General Loering,quot; ;You  only killed my poor c me too, I fancy.  on us?quot;

    quot;For exceeding t.quot;

    quot;e  traveling at more t;

    quot; erday is no longer normal today, Mr. Attorney-General. e are of t orcar travels is too great. e are destroying all cars and all ot;

    quot;Your rifles too?quot;

    quot;turn ed omorroer  of ted. ell, noo let in a little air.quot;

    quot;Are you sing every one,  distinction?quot;

    quot;Certainly. In many cases it may no doubt be a pity. Im sorry, for example, about ter, I presume.quot;

    quot;No. Senograp;

    quot;So mucter. And no out, or let us carry you out, as to be destroyed.quot;

    quot;I prefer to be destroyed .quot;

    quot;As you o ask you one more question. You are a public prosecutor. I never could understand or. You make your living by bringing otly, to trial and passing sentence on t t so?quot;

    quot;It is. I do my duty. It ly as it is to o deatoo ;

    quot;Quite true. Only  kill from duty, but pleasure, or mucain amusement in killing people.  never amused you?quot;

    quot;You bore me. Be so kind as to do your ion of duty is unknoo you—quot;

    and made a movement of o spit. Only a little blood came, o his chin.

    quot;One moment!quot; said Gustav politely. quot;tion of duty is certainly unknoo me—no. I , I  t seemed to me to be duty and ies and my superior officers from time to time enjoined upon me  by any means good. I e. But granting t tion of duty is no longer knoo me, I still knoion of guilt—pery. I am condemned to live. I am obliged to belong to a state, to serve as a soldier, to kill and to pay taxes for armaments. And no t t of life  me once more to ty of killing t did in time I o t. I ion to tupid congested o bits. I am glad to o peris.quot;

    tor made an effort to smile a little ed.  succeed very ention .

    quot;Good,quot; said ;So ;

    tty girl  doed.

    At t tooting of a car coming do full speed. e dretle to one side and, standing close against t to tly and t came to a standstill undamaged. e seized our rifles and quickly he newcomers covered.

    quot;Get out!quot; commanded Gustav. quot;;

    t out of tly heir hands.

    quot;Is any one of you a doctor?quot; Gustav asked.

    their heads.

    quot;to remove tleman. . take o t to on .quot;

    tleman av gave t.

    tenograpo chese proceedings. I was glad we had made so fair a prize.

    quot;Madam,quot; said Gustav, quot;you  your employer. I  bound to tleman by oties. You are noime presses. It able ;

    e all climbed up to our  in tree as fast as  feel very  ains and to tell us also t her name was Dora.

    Immediately after t steered carefully past turned one  stopping and thered speed.

    quot;Poltroon!quot; laugav and s to tove it in and he abyss.

    quot;Dora,quot; I said, quot;can you use firearms?quot;

    S, but augo load. S first and  ed court-plaster. But Gustav told   s s  better.

    quot;But o become of us?quot; she asked.

    quot;Dont kno; said Gustav. quot;My friend ty girls. er you.quot;

    quot;But t;

    quot;t any police and sucay quietly up  do tries to pass, or else ake a car and drive off in it and let ot at us. Its all take. Im for staying ;

    And noooting of anot ed for and lay t.

    Gustav smiled. quot;Yes, too many men in t  so noticeable. But no everyone s air to breato drive as ice it. Of course,  rational. Its c as ime, mankind o keep its numbers in cional means. Meanolerable situation in a rational e.quot;

    quot;Yes,quot; said I, quot; is good and necessary all t is not a good trains ries to reduce to rational order matters t are not susceptible of rational treatment. traordinarily rational, and boto a frig of life, because t so crudely. ticle. It is for madmen like us, pero ennoble it again.quot;

    itav replied: quot;You talk like a book, my boy. It is a pleasure and a privilege to drink at suc of  notle too dreamy for my taste. A couple of bucks can come das, and  kill t ;

    A car came and  once. tout red-faced man, gesticulated ared up and do us h a revolver.

    quot;Get off ,quot; Gustav sed doook aim at  him.

    After t and deserted. Apparently t about t it o enjoy ty of to and soon o roof. Sing could be tle and I stroked  cheeks.

    quot; to die t; s  past belo a gay parasol, a ladys tle of  doentedly on took a drink from ttle and ate sometinfoil out of ter emptying ttle  on, o Gustav: quot;Could you find it in you to s at t.quot;

    quot;Youre not asked to,quot; my friend gro  feel very comfortable eit sigill in a state of innocence t necessary activities became stupid and repulsive. Pa blood! e   the same.

    quot;Dont let us stay ; Dora implored. quot;Lets go doo find someto eat in t you ;

    Dooo peal error. e set ourselves to climb do work, I kissed o vacancy—

    Once more I stood in till excited by ting adventure. And everyions:

    MUtABOR

    tRANSFORMAtION INtO ANY ANIMAL OR PLANt

    YOU PLEASE

    KAMASUtRAM

    INStRUCtION IN tS OF LOVE

    COURSE FOR BEGINNERS; FORtY-tO DIFFERENt

    MEtICES

    DELIGhtFUL SUICIDE

    YOU LAUGO BItS

    DO YOU ANt tO BE ALL SPIRIt?

    t.

    DONFALL OF t

    MODERAtE PRICES. NEVER SURPASSED

    COMPENDIUM OF ARt

    tRANSFORMAtION FROM tIME INtO SPACE

    BY MEANS OF MUSIC

    LAUGEARS

    CABINEt OF hUMOR

    SOLItUDE MADE EASY

    COMPLEtE SUBStItUtE FOR ALL FORMS OF

    SOCIABILItY.

    tions was endless. One was

    GUIDANCE IN thE

    PERSONALItY. SUCCESS GUARANtEED

    to me to be o and I  in at this door.

    I found myself in a quiet t room ern fas t glance I t it e a similar gorgeous silk jacket and he same dark and shining eyes.

    quot;Are you Pablo?quot; I asked.

    quot;I am not anybody,quot; ;e  anybody. I am a cruction in ty?quot;

    quot;Yes, please.quot;

    quot;to place a fe my disposal.quot;

    quot;My pieces—?quot;

    quot;Of to  play  pieces.quot;

    o me and again I say of my personality broken up into many selves ook a dozen or so of t fingers and placed to speak in tonous ion or reading t en gone through before.

    quot;taken and union t a man is an enduring unity is knoo you. It is also knoo you t man consists of a multitude of souls, of numerous selves. tion of ty of ty into ted t. Science is in t as no multiplicity may be dealt ain order and grouping. It is   one only and binding and lifelong order is possible for tiplicity of subordinate selves. t consequences, and tage of simplifying tate-appointed pastors and masters and saving t. In consequence of ty,   t psycion t  of building up trate to anyone   order tain to an endless multiplicity of moves in t sers, so do egrated self build up ever neerplay and suspense, and neuations t are eternally inexible. Look!quot;

    it toucook rong and ly arranged t once to groups and families, games and battles, friendsies, making a small  orderly s evolutions before my enraptured eyes in play and strife, making treaties and figtles, iplying. It age, a moving breathless drama.

    tly over tly s all to a atively ists skill, made up a nee otionsanglements. ty , it  of terial, but t, time cif ly given out and tuations differently presented.

    And in tect built up one game after anot of t of myself, and every game ant resemblance to every oto t eacirely new.

    quot;t of life,quot; ;You may yourself as an artist develop t animation. You may complicate and enric as you please. It lies in your  as madness, in a  and all fantasy. Even learned men o a partial recognition of t encing book, in ance of tists s up as sucalized. ake your little pieces aen give you pleasure. t today greo tions of an intolerable bugbear, you omorroo a mere lay figure. t game be t;

    I boitude to ted c ttle pieces in my pocket and he narrow door.

    My real intention o seat myself at once on ternities; but I  liger passage tible current carried me along. A dazzling poster flashed before my eyes:

    MARVELOUS tAMING OF tEPPENOLF

    Many different emotions surged up in me at t of t. My  racted by all kinds of fears and repressions from my former life and ty I  berembling ing me from a cage. On tage I saamer—a cleman e of a large moustacly muscular biceps and up  resemblance to myself. trong man led on a leasable sigiful but terribly emaciated  ing as it riguing, as  ly entertaining, to see tal tamer of animals put t so ignominiously obedient beast of prey tricks and sensational turns.

    At any rate, torted double, ly attentive to every command and responded like a dog to every call and every crack of t do, a basket in o pick up t tamer  fall and carry it after eetail   in front of e lamb. eet is true, and trembled   touc trembling on t and t pao form a touc time eating a stick of ce from t o ness tastic extent to ood th my hair on end.

    tion, ator and for t of ter tion of animal taming and  t and became as agitated, as scraint and dissimulation erased. aut and s at recovering ure.

    And no t ongue loll out and tore eet on t or all-fours just as t ter ness of a dog ted gladly to every ion and perversion of ure. A lovely girl came on to tage and  up to tamed man. Sroked   . o seet ture—so menacingly and , t se  before  emptuous sniff  it from . Finally te lamb and t mottled rabbit urn and played t amusingly. ures in eetore turously drank t.

    I made for t. ter was clearly no paradise. All s chere even here no release?

    In fear I . I aste of blood and ce in my mouteful as t to be beyond t. I led ures. quot;O Friend, not tes!quot; sang in my errible pograp t one saangled o grinning g of o ures. today I kne no tamer of beasts, no general, no insane person could c or a picture in  I could not matc as frig as savage and upid.

    itice I  entering ter, t tormed so furiously—

    ALL GIRLS ARE YOURS

    and it seemed to me, all in all, t tly c finding t I could escape from t cursed  in.

    time met me. tmosp so legendary,  I  and been since, fell a it  of fire t I felt in me, ty impulse, t  I ten leaped up again, ole on my ears tones of long ago! My blood een or sixteen in and Greek and poetry. I ion and my fancy ists dreams. But far deeper and stronger and more ahe foreboding of desire.

    I anding on a spur of ttle tos to I sa in deptransfiguration, as ry. it  it and smelled it ( it bet no girl o bite it. At tically bitter taste I kne once and exactly   I  all came back. I  on a lonely  Rosa Kreisler and greeted h her so madly.

    S day, alone and dreamingly up to of ied in ts, rands on eit time in my life iful siful and dreamlike te iful and provocative t as tter spice of t of t moment ained ties and promises, nameless deligs, anguiso t and deepest guilt. Oter taste of spring on my tongue! And reamed playfully t stle and looked aside; but ing  e groirely mistress of tuation, s slo I sent after her.

    So it y-five years before, and all t o me in t. oe, Rosa and  suffocation of anguis  seemed to me t I  day. But time it o greet  occasion. I sao conceal it, and I kne once t s ter meant time instead of standing ceremoniously cap in ill se of anguis my blood bade me do. I cried: quot;Rosa! tiful, beautiful girl. I love you so dearly.quot; It  per brilliant of all t mig t, but t  on  go on. Sopped and looked at me and, gro;;  up rong face, and t my past life and loves upid un very moment on a Sunday afternoon ly and everything was good.

    e clasped  knoo do or to say, so o er from embarrassment and to a run, and ran till  our breato stand still. But  let go our ill c knoe o do  Sunday  even kiss, but o get our breat on troked  up again and tried to measure y, I aller by a fingers breat I   so. I maintained t ly t and t God  later on  ss and  in t spring grass and looked for t stalks and I gave  ting ced lo go  t accompany  no  possession. I stayed be, I looked dooc little figure to appear far belo pass t so room, and I lay up t t passed to and fro.

    e saimes over to bloom tle t co give eacured to toucrands of   all t  roted ill unripe, but timid ing on eacaugtle step up on ts, I lived again t under ars. Rosa I lost, and Irmgard appeared; and tars less steady, but Irmgard no more tep by step I o climb. to live to learn; and I o lose Irmgard and Anna too. Every girl t I  noo inspire eaco eaco me. isies t ion y. tiful flowers, Ida and Laura and all wh, or a day.

    I  good-looking and ardent boy  t in my actual life and being  been expressed to a tent, and I  to tc groed by any ot of me. It  perturbed by tortured by teppen, t. No—I  taugo dance and Ida to kiss, and it , t beautiful of tumn evening beneats to kiss and to drink.

    I lived ttle ter and not a t can be told in  so give and to eac so take. Muc, too, and suffering fell to my s I e and tender blooms, garis blazed, dark ones sly fading. t, ino be taken by storm and t o  corner of my life , te skin allured me, emerged again and all t ood beside er of an er  and t of . tream carried toream of sex, at play in t of all its cs danger and surprise. And it astoniso find eppenies and allurements of love. I umbled on over te to forget t ored up in t one missing. And no I sao t defence and sank doo tion to  fully grasped at time, fantastic games for t me up in t unmentioned, were played.

    o tream of allurement and vice and entanglement, I . I —ripe for  figure in my populous myt name of an endless series; and at once I came to myself and made an end of tale of love; for I did not   as to  t all ered in o fulfillment.

    tream ood in t ter passage.  no for ttle figures in my pocket—but already tible ices and magic mirrors. Listlessly I read t  caught my eye, and shuddered.

    hO ONE KILLS FOR LOVE

    said.

    Sly a picture .  table of a restaurant, turning all at once from t in an abyss of speecerrifying earnestness in  s  s. Suddenly everyted me once more. Suddenly once more t call of fate gripped my . Desperately I felt in my pocket for ttle figures so t I migise a little magic and rearrange t of tead of t a knife. In mortal dread I ran along t every door. I stood opposite tic mirror. I looked into it. In tood a beautiful all as myself. ood still, glancing s eyes. As  me, tle so t ed and songue.

    clever fello ty?

    Again I looked into t ongue in   was a o.

    quot;; I said, quot;;

    quot;Not; said ;I am only ing. I am ing for deat;

    quot;;

    quot;Coming,quot; said ty spaces er tiful and a music from Don Giovanni t  of stone. it rang tly als.

    quot;Mozart,quot; I t, and  beloved and t exalted picture t my inner life contained.

    At t, t beer, a dear and ice-cold laug of a o men, a , frozen ter, and t.  and, strolling quietly on,  in. Eagerly I follo, all my life long, of love and veneration. t  of ter noto be seen. Darkness filled the boundless space.

    quot;You see,quot; said Mozart, quot;it goes all rig to be sure, I s read on toes of t famous instrument.quot;

    quot;; I asked.

    quot;e are in t act of Don Giovanni. Leporello is on oo. t in it, certainly, ts very  you can —ter, e;

    quot;It is t great music ever ten,quot; said I y of a scer. quot;Certainly, t to come.  not forget tro? Ooo. But all t—beautiful as it may be— it, sometegration. A ude and power as Don Giovanni ;

    quot;Dont overstrain yourself,quot; laug, in frig;Youre a musician yourself, I perceive. ell, I rade and retired to take my ease. It is only for amusement t I look on at t;

    ing, and a moon, or some pale constellation, rose some and clouds floated tains and seasended  plain. On tleman of a , en t said:

    quot;Look, triving for redemption, but it ake ime.quot;

    I realized t tes and parts in o divine judgment were superfluous.

    quot;too trated, too mucerial ed,quot; Mozart said h a nod.

    And t t just as vast, and felt too, cep.

    quot;In my young days,quot; I remarked sadly, quot;t extreme contrasts conceivable.quot;

    Mozart laughed.

    quot;Yes, t is alrasts, seen from a little distance, alend to sy. tration   of time.quot;

    quot;? And  to pay for it so dearly?quot; I cried in protest.

    quot;Naturally. t take its course. Until t of time it cannot be kno over to stand to t.quot;

    quot;But t eit!quot;

    quot;Of course not. t  eit Adam ate t to pay for it all t;

    quot;But t is frig;

    quot;Certainly. Life is al once one is guilty. You must  of religious education if you did not kno.quot;

    I  of tten, and all ticles and essays; folloors o set up, by t all to s all to be paid for in endless purgatory. And only tion arise  over; or y foam of t was over and done.

    Mozart laug urned a somersault in trills  time ed at me: quot;ongue smart, man, do your lungs really pincypesetters, tctors, and saber-itc of a gull, ers ink dull, and soul sorroll relieve you. Belittled, betattled, spectacled and sifully snagged and by tail ill t sings and rotten plagiarisings ill-gotten.quot;

    too muc me no time for melanc  by tail and off ail greail of a comet and I . t it raversed! tals put up mosp it , even in t t elapsed before I lost my senses. A bitter-seel-brigy coursed to laug  th and consciousness failed me.

 -6

    o myself I e lig among tals, not yet. I ill, as ever, on torturing complexities. I , no endurable resting place. t be an end of it.

    In t mirror, ood opposite me.  appear to be very flouris niged t t t t er.  laugerrors for s, given a feurity. I looked for a long time at ill kne resemblance to teen aken off o  uries older since t teel  and discussed Kris learning.  doorcars, and slept ered Mozart and Goetime and rents in realitys disguise, t ill. And suppose  ty cill . On then, old harry, old weary loon.

    Bater taste of life! I spat at o splinters. I   so many glo one noer. as not to a masked ball? ogetill to be done. ed me. A strange marriage it o be, and a sorro  bore me on, drearily bore me on, a slave, a wolf-man. Bahe devil!

    I stopped at t door. So far ed yout!

    I opened it.  I saiful picture. On a rug on tiful iful Pablo, side by side in a sleep of deep exion after loves play. Beautiful, beautiful figures, lovely pictures,  breast iful, gleaming teeto t. t over e and delicate skin. I le differently. As it . I only cctle moment in pain and deep  occurred to me. t I o s  t again of turned a little to one side, and from  to  I sae s seemed t it   remember. till.

    For long I looked at  last I urned to go. tretcretc, ake anyturned over a corner of t so t t silently out of tayed te fore ttle parted. s delicate perfume and t glimmered ttle shell-like ear.

    ared and did not kno all ,  o it? I kne ted mouttle aring mouttle red upon a mask of death.

    And from te se arms, t a s riness and desolation, a slo of all life? as it th and space breaking in?

    itared at tony broark  streamed from t it iful, it rang, it vibrated. It was music!

    I once felt t at time a joy?  I once caug and tals.

    Verses came into my  I had once come upon somewhere:

    e above you ever more residing

    In tar translumined ice

    Know nor day nor nigimes dividing,

    ear nor age nor sex as our device.

    Cool and uncernal being,

    Cool and star brigernal laughter.

    t. I did not recognize  t glance, for  pigtail, knee breecook a seat close beside me, and I  of  .  tus and some instruments t stood beside ook it very seriously, tig, and I looked   and nimble fingers and  in admiration of iful and skillful oo, by ttle appre ually doing and of   ed, I took no ever.

    I soon found,   it in going order, and no;Munico Grosso in F Major by ;

    And in fact, to my indescribable astonis and in trumpet spat out,  more ado, a mixture of bronc noise t o, tline of t divine music. I could distinguisic structure and trings.

    quot;My God,quot; I cried in ;? Do you really mean to inflict triump victorious ermination against art? Must t?quot;

    a cold and eerie laug  everyttered by it. orment isfaction tended to tin trumpet. Laugill,  torted, t and on; and laugill, he replied:

    quot;Please, no patardando? An inspiration, eolerant man, let tardando toucride like gods. And let tion of old rate your restless  and give it peace. Just listen, you poor creature, listen  eitic and ridiculous apparatus ttention and you ly does t stupid, t useless and t damnable t takes  distinction, stupid and coarse, lamentably distorted, to boot, and c into space to land  after all t cannot destroy t of t can only demonstrate its oen, ten ill divine; you   admirable symbol of all life. en to radio you are a ness of ting ime and eternity, betly, my dear sir, as ten minutes togets t lovely music  regard into t impossible places, into respectable dratics and into t of ctering, guzzling, yaeners, and exactly as it strips ts sensuous beauty, spoils and scratc and yet cannot altogetroy its spirit, just so does life, ty, deal ure-play of t. It makes its unappetizing tone—slime of t magic orcral music. Everyrudes its mecs activity, its dreary exigencies and vanity bet it be so; and, if  asses, laug it. It little becomes people like you to be critics of radio or of life eitter learn to listen first! Learn o be taken seriously and laug t. Or is it t you ter yourself, more nobly and fitly and ter taste? O. You ful ory of disease out of your life, and a misfortune of your gifts. And you ter use for so pretty, so encing a young lady to stick a knife into roy  rig;

    quot;Rig; I cried in despair. quot;No! My God, everytupid and , Mozart, a stupid, angry beast, sick and rotten. t a times. But as for t was ;

    Mozart lauger. But  kindness to turn off the radio.

    My self-extenuation sounded unexpectedly and to me .  suddenly occurred to me, spoken about time and eternity, I o take s as a reflection of my o t, ion and  influenced by me I aken as a matter of course. But ed t ural t, but even guessed it in advance. Per  at t er.

    quot;; said ;youre a great joker. iful girl really noto desire of you but tab of a knife? Keep t for someone else! ell, at least you abbed one dead. And no to realize try to;

    quot;No,quot; I cried. quot;Dont you understand at all? I evade to pay and pay and pay for to lay my y of anniion.quot;

    Mozart looked at me olerable mockery.

    quot;ic you al you rained to learn it. You are ready? Good. to tor and let take its course ill your  break of da?quot;

    Instantly a notice flashed before my eyes:

    ION

    and I consented ood in a bare yard enclosed by four lemen ts and goed guillotine. My  racted  I . At tepped for t door removed  and all tlemen cleared ts.  and  before :

    quot;Gentlemen, tands before you y of ter.  alone insulted ty of art in t iful picture gallery y and stabbed to deation of a girl ion of a knife; ion displayed tention of using our ter as a meco eternal life and o enter our ter. ty also of being laug of court may not be remitted. Gentlemen, all toget;

    On t;t; all o one simultaneous peal of lauger in full cful laug is scarcely to be borne by the ears of men.

    o myself again, Mozart ting beside me as before. ;You ence. So, you see, you o listen to more of tll do you good. You are uncommonly poor in gifts, a poor block by degrees you o grasp o learn to laug  appres gallo o stab girls to deato be executed y. You , to mortify and scourge yourself for centuries toget you?quot;

    quot;O,quot; I cried in my misery.

    quot;Of course! s a question of anytupid and patic and devoid of , youre tragedian. ell, I am not. I dont care a fig for all your romantics of atonement. You ed to be executed and to ic! For ten times over. You are o die, you co not to live. t you s  of penalties.quot;

    quot;O  be?quot;

    quot;e migore to life again and marry you to ;

    quot;No, I s be ready for t. It would bring un;

    quot;As if t enoug is time to come to your senses. You are to live and to learn to laugo learn to listen to to reverence t be and to laug its distortions. So t be asked of you.quot;

    Gently from beeet;And if I do not submit? And if I deny your rig, to interfere eppeno meddle in iny?quot;

    quot;t; said Mozart calmly, quot;I se you to smoke anottes.quot; And as te from coat pocket and offered it me,  no longer. It  me out of ic eyes and as like taugo play ctle figures as a twin.

    quot;Pablo!quot; I cried art. quot;Pablo, w;

    quot;e are in my Magic ter,quot; ;and if you ime to learn tango or to be a general or to alk , it is al your service. But Im bound to say, ed me a little. You forgot yourself badly. You broke ttle ter and tried to make a mess of it, stabbing tering our pretty picture-y. t  pretty of you. I  least, you did it from jealousy ely, you did not knoo do  you ter. ell, you ter next time.quot;

    ook  once so toy figure and put coat pocket from te.

    Its s and  aroma. I felt ed, and ready to sleep for a whole year.

    I understood it all. I understood Pablo. I understood Mozart, and some. A glimpse of its meaning irred my reason and I ermined to begin ts tortures once more and s its senselessness. I raverse not once more, but often, the hell of my inner being.

    One day I ter  to lauging for me, and Mozart too.